No. 1 reason to adopt internationally....

you don't have to write the "birthmother letter"! (I'm kidding, I swear)

This letter is going to a) commit me to a looney-bin, b) cause me to toss my computer out the window, or c) give me the worst hand-cramp ever (why yes, it has to be hand-written).

First of all, you aren't really supposed to say "Dear Birthmother" because that's kind of politically incorrect. So how do you start? "Dear Special Person", "Dear Expectant Mom", "Hi!", "Greetings!", "Whazzup?" I like the last one but I doubt the agency will let that fly. Second, in 3 pages (handwritten) or less please explain why you are adopting, acknowldege the birthmothers difficult decision, what your family life is like, what your neighborhood is like, your activities, what your childhood was like, how you plan on raising your child, describe your spouse, describe your head spinning yet? "Don't gush, but be personable", "Be yourself, not what you think the mother wants to read", "Don't lie" (duh). "Expect to write several (i.e. 5) drafts". (Where is that "shocked" emoticon when I need it?). And to top it off, we don't write the letter "together", we each write our own letter. Damn. I had convinced Scott that he needed to write the first draft. Shitballs.

I've been working on the letter for a couple of days and so far it looks like every other damn b-mom letter out there. A very very very very (my dad told me that every time I use the adjective "very" I should replace it with "damn" then delete it - I'm not going to here) long time ago I could actually write. You know, before the engineering school and countless technical reports I've written since then. I was actually good at it too.* Enough to get an A in AP English anyway. But that's ancient history - I'm thinking I might have to go to a "top ten" list format or something. Personally I love the idea but I wonder if it'll pass the agency sniff-test. Yes, they will make me re-write if they don't like it.

p.s. And how do you write one of these letters without sounding desperate? Marketing guru I am not.

*BWAHAHAHAHAHA! How horrible is the grammar in that sentence?