Education take 3

Just a few more points on the education classes and I'll be done I promise!

One of the most informative parts of the class besides the medical information was hearing from birthparents  and adoptive parents.  Hearing the other side of the story really drove home the point that everything needs to be handled carefully and that every situation different.  Hearing from adoptive parents who were placed almost immediately (!) to the adoptive parents who are probably more like us (more than a year), and from parents who adopted multi-culturally was really helpful in making me think about the type of situation we could have and whether we have really thought through some of the issues that can arise.

I don't really know how to talk about  multi-cultural adoption because it's such an inflammatory issue, and starting arguments is not supposed to be part of my blog.  So I guess I won't.  It's been an issue we are struggling with a bit trying to figure out what we can handle and whether we will be successful. 

In the class we did touch on the stages of grief too and one of the points within the stages was rejection.  It was an important point for me to think about.  I'd say that my turning point on the message board came a few months before I actually left.  I don't even know what the topic was but I was having a hard time, we were doing the homestudy, were stressed out and I started to get some weird vibes from a few peeps on the board.  (it's not anyone I've invited to read my blog :))  Quite honestly, I couldn't believe that I had to explain to people who had been with me on this journey that adoption does not "fix" infertility and I felt rejected by the reaction.  That day, it ceased to be a comfortable souce of non-judgmental support for me and in the months following before the final brouhaha the board was never the same in my eyes.

One more point on rejection.  It finally feels concrete, like this is actually going to happen and in one or two years we'll have a baby.  Throughout the homestudy the concept that we were going to become parents was still fluid and wispy.  Even though logically I knew we would be approved for adoption, I still felt like at any point the whole thing could fall apart and we'd be stuck with a "what now?" scenario.  All through the months of the homestudy I lived with the fear of being rejected by the process to the point that I was afraid to get excited about anything having to do with babies.