Musings on "Miracles"

As it turns out vacation was perfect timing in my cycle.  Doesn't every infertile who goes on a relaxing beach vacation come back pregnant?  Especially those of us with unexplained infertility?  Yeah, well, I didn't.  When I told S that it turned out vacation was really good timing his immediate response was "Well, that would have been too late."

That response shows two things.

1.  S is totally over biological child.  Or at least thinks he is.  I would guess he is, he's never been the have to carry on the genes type.  He's pragmatic.  He's on another path and fully embracing that path.

2.  I guess I'm not exactly over it.  Probably because I still have the cycle mocking me every damn month. I don't like the reminder that I'm broken.  Like clockwork.  28 days every time.  Complete with hideous cramps every time the cycle starts over. 

But there's a flip side.  While I'm apparently still hanging on to some tenous thread of hope that somehow, someday the stars will align and I'll end up pregnant,  I don't want to ever be this reference to someone else's infertile friend:  "Well, T couldn't get pregnant either and they were adopting and guess what, she ended up pregnant out of the blue!"  I also don't ever want this to be said to me.  "See, you decided to adopt and now you're pregnant!" 

I suppose if something does happen then I would feel differently.  This is how I feel now.

Suprisingly, S brought up the agency's picnic last night.  He wants to go.  huh?  Well, that was easy.  :)  I guess we're going and hopefully it will be good to be around others going or have gone through the same thing.

One more thing, possibly inflammatory, but I'm really pissed off.  The so-called "Per.sonhood Amen.dment" is going to be back on CO's ballot this fall.  This particular gem describes a "person" as a fertilized egg.  I seriously do not understand the people who whine bitch and moan about government being too big and accuse the current administration of being socia.list, yet they want to control MY reproductive system?  Puh-leese.