Distractions Needed

I had a complete meltdown on starting on Thursday afternoon precipitated by a less than sensitive colleague.  We were discussing a meeting that's coming up and I'm trying to put a team together that can hold the meeting even if I'm out on leave.  The response "I'm 90% sure you'll still be working at the end of May" didn't sit well with me.  Surprisingly enough I didn't totally snap, but clearly told him that we are definitely in any day now territory.

Then I stewed for the rest of the afternoon.  Then stewed some more.  And I realized we had to go to family Easter dinners without a baby again.  And realized that Mother's Day is two weeks away and still no goddamn baby.  I cried myself to sleep (unusual for me).

Friday I woke up in a total funk.  I got ready for work, but before leaving saw that a ski area was reporting a powder day.  So, I decided to take the day off and go skiing.  Still in a funk I got to the resort where there was NO powder to speak of.  Assholes totally overreported, but I decided to ski a good part of the day anyway.  It was ok, I wasn't feeling great, but good enough.  Leave it to me to start crying while driving home 65mph down I-70.

I've been feeling better since that incident though, and S and I have come up with some distracting things to do in the next few weeks (including dancing like fools in our living room on Friday night).  Don't know what we'll do should this saga stretch into June, but I'm gearing myself up for having to renew the homestudy.  Hopefully, if I expect it, it won't suck as bad

One great thing about my crappy mental attitude is that at least this time it isn't clouded by the effects of fertility drugs.  I feel about as bad now as I did way back when, but according to S, I'm nowhere near Crazytown.  I am just now beginning to understand how horrible a time it was for him when I was suffering the side effects of trying to force my damn ovaries to produce eggs on demand.