What This Space is to Me

Recently, some bloggers I read have been discussing what the space means to them and the pitfalls of being "found out" IRL, or of offering up their blog to people IRL who aren't on the same journey.  It's no secret that I'm attempting to stay anonymous.  I've posted pictures in the past, but I don't anymore.  I've thought about opening my blog to people IRL who are close friends, but stop short when I realize that they have no idea what I'm actually going through and will probably take something I write the wrong way.  I tested that theory by posting this on F-B last summer, which contributed to this ridiculous encounter, ruining a friendship.

So, really, it's probably better that I protect my privacy as much as possible given the apparent power of my words taken the wrong way.

Lately, I've been censuring myself as I try to figure out where to go with this blog, and I think that it's led to me feeling like I don't get as much out of it anymore.  When I first started blogging, it was an extension of a message board I left.  I still had some friends on the board and didn't want to lose them completely so I started blogging.  Soon, I was just letting loose writing whatever I felt like writing whenever it struck me, even if it was repeated posts about how depressed and angry I was about the wait.

That's all changed.  Now, I feel like I should be writing about something meaningful every time I post.  There are so many great writers I follow that I look up to, and I wish that I could write as well, as thoughtfully and eloquently as them.  Eloquence is a trait I struggle to develop as it's not my nature to really think about what I'm writing beyond getting the point across in as few words as possible.  So, I'll probably never have the following of these women who express themselves so well, always blogging about interesting subjects, and really delving into the details.  I suppose I have to be ok with that.  Not everything has to be a competition despite my desire to make everything a competition.

And with that, I leave you with something that has really been bothering me for a couple of weeks.  Let the ranting begin!

So, my former friend turned a certain age this year.  S went mountain biking with her husband as they are still friends, and found out an interesting turn of events.  She, who insisted she did not want to have kids, has decided that maybe she wants to have a baby.  This is the woman who kept telling me and S during our wait that they were going to have to find new friends because we were becoming parents and would "disappear".  This is the couple who whined non-stop about how lame everyone of their friends who have kids are, and how they never do anything anymore.  This is the couple who never had us over for dinner, or even brought us food when Baby X arrived (and they were supposedly really good friends).  This is the couple who never had a party at their house, save for once, yet whined about have to drive out east to a mutual friend's house for a party (who by the way has 2 kids, but still tries to host a party every now and then).  Wait till she finds out that bringing a one year old to a restaurant is an exercise in timing a ticking bomb of crankiness.  Wait till she finds out that a 7:00pm bedtime totally fucks up your social schedule.  I don't know why I'm so irritated by this news, but I am.