The Fertile vs. the Infertile

In my circle of close girlfriends, one became pregnant recently.  Several of them have made no secret of the fact that they are TTC and some are now facing the land of IF.  (buy it, it's amazing).  Anyway, I now share a story with more than one close friend.  All of our stories are different, and chances are some or all of them will be able to become pregnant with treatment via acupuncture or ART.  But no matter what, I've come to the realization that it sucks to be handed this fate no matter how long or involved the journey is.

I've actually had to stop myself from entering the pain olympics with these women.  It feels shameful to admit it, and for sure, they leaned on me early on because I'm so open about my story.   But when I was hearing anxiety in their voices after less than six months TTC I internally rolled my eyes.  Then the realization hit me that they were anxious because they are educated.  They know how old they are and what effect that has on fertility.  They know my story, my diagnosis, the fact that I've never seen 2 lines on a test.  So, I squash the internal eye rolls, and I try to be the friend I wish I had when I was in the thick of it.

Which brings me to how this has turned into fertile vs. infertile.  Knowing how much the holiday season can absolutely suck when the family building isn't going the way you want, I invited the friends who are struggling out for pedicures and drinks.  Which does leave out one person.  I know I'm excluding her solely because she's pregnant.  She's not even really throwing the pregnancy in our faces, she's much to empathetic to do that, but I've noticed the conversations lately have been much more focused on her pregnancy.  (In all honesty, I wish I could skip her pregnancy and go right to playdates, because that, I can relate to)  I feel bad that I'm excluding her from the activity, but then, I remember how I felt during my infertility-hell.  I had concerned friends, and a few would inquire how I was doing, but there wasn't an overt "this sucks, let's go let off steam".  I know it's because they probably didn't know what to do or what to say. But I have an inkling.  And the inkling is that, us broken women need a little pampering.

So, we're going to get pampered, and we'll have fun.  And sometime soon, all of us will get together again and we can talk pregnancy symptoms and birth plans and such.  But, for now, it's ok to be selfish.