Another Update - Baby N

I know, I'm a posting machine!  I actually meant to put this with the previous post, but I'm traveling, and got food poisoning so yesterday afternoon was spent sleeping and trying not to puke.  Awesome.  Since I had scheduled the post, it went ahead and posted itself right on time. 

Today is slightly better.  Less pukey, but more like I've been hit by a truck.  I'll take it.  Anyway, I'm attempting to work (Value Engineering Study, yay) but really still don't feel like it. 

Yesterday I spoke with our caseworker and inquired about Baby N's status.  It's something that we have been becoming increasingly curious about now that it's been a couple months since everything fell apart for us.  He's still with the cradle care family as the county allowed him to stay in that home because they are licensed for foster-care, and he's been weaned off of his meds.  His father filed for paternity in the court and is waiting for the hearing to determine if he's fit to parent.

As our caseworker stated, everything that could go wrong, went wrong, and from our perspective it was a worst-case scenario situation.  Even though Baby N's father does not appear to be fit to parent to us, that doesn't necessarily preclude his ability to get custody of Baby N.  From my point of view, it's really sad if he does, because I sincerely doubt that he has the resources and the maturity to deal with Baby N's on-going issues.  I suppose that he could suddenly grow up and become an adult.  Given my perspective as an adult who has my shit together, and has the resources to provide a stable home to Baby N, it's hard to root for this guy.  I think this is where adoptive parents get dragged down into these cases and hold onto the fight way longer than they should.  If we had Baby N in our home at this time, and we were learning more details about his father, you can be damn sure we'd be hoping for parental rights to be terminated.  As it is, we knew that we would not be able to hand Baby N over to this guy willingly, so we had to walk away from the entire situation. 

We made the right decision to walk away.  I hope that when other prospective adoptive parents find themselves in a similar situation, they are able to have the strength to walk away instead of fight.  Birth parents have the right to parent their children, and if the courts decide that they are fit to parent, and can provide a stable home, then they should parent their children.  Through our lenses of the adoptive parent, it may not seem like the right decision, but it IS the right decision.  We are clouded by our own grief over our inability to procreate, by our own status in society as upstanding citizens (the homestudy is supposed to screen us for that after all) and by many accounts have suffered much grief and anger over the situations that lead us down this path.  When faced with these untenable situations, we have to step back and realize that someone else, an impartial party is the one to make the decision regarding the future of the child.  We are not impartial.  We can't be.