#MicroblogMondays - The Post I Lost

 So, I lost what was turning into a good post last night. I ca't recreate it, it was waxing on about how my blog is changing and how I'm not sure how to focus it, or if it even needs to be focused. Seriously can't remember any of what I wrote for that. I was getting into therapy on part of it though - now that I can go on and on about....

On Friday I had a good therapy appointment, the kind where I felt, "Ok, I can do this with this therapist, she's starting to see the picture". I think that her admission that she was surprised I came back after the first couple of sessions, and that it was obvious that I had a wall up helped. She's definitely a data-gatherer mentioning that anything written I get from my mom would help her in understanding the dynamic. In addition, I mentioned my brother, CB, who is off in his own little world making Yo.uT.ube videos that seem delusional and she would like to see one of those. That's the kind of information that she needs to make determinations about my family dynamic and the types of mental illness that may be pervasive in my family.

My brother L, and I are no longer connecting, and when I left a voicemail that expressed my frustration at being ignored any time I’ve tried to call him over the past several months, he told me I was being mean.  I thought he was my ally in this whole sh*tty family dynamic and instead it seems like he’s had all he can take so he’s going to cut me off. Like my imploded friendships I got the “You’re too angry” line from my own brother, with whom I have been extremely open, vulnerable, and yes, angry as I work through 41 years of f*cked up family dynamic.

NaBloPoMo November 2015