Brain Dump

I'm reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown, and it's one of the most difficult books I've ever read. Probably because the truths in the book about shame pull me into a glaring spotlight. I find it difficult to be vulnerable. I don't want the world to think I'm "weak". Everything I do must be perfect, therefore, I struggle to start or try new things. It's something I've been working on for a long time now and I've made some progress, but the underlying internal shaming exists. And so, I will continue to read bits at a time, digesting, thinking, and trying to move past the feelings I have while reading her words. Because, damn it, she has a way of writing that brings all the shitty feelings up.

At 2:30am this morning, my brain started writing while I was struggling to fall back asleep. I almost got up to write it down and then remembered that it would only make my day worse in the long run. I forced myself to stay in bed, finally falling asleep at 3:30a.

I'm f*cking tired.

I'm not nearly as coherent at 5:00pm as I am at 2:30am as it turns out. Mostly what I want to write is a diatribe about a shitty family member.  I won't bore you.

I have a question for armchair and qualified psychologists though:

When someone presents themselves as all-knowing on topics such as gratitude, faith, being a good person, etc. via online videos, yet explodes with anger on a family member over a tiny issue*, barely speaks to any family members ever, and is constantly berating his parents over their failures in raising him.....he's fucked up, right?

 

*I wasn't involved in said incident, I heard about it from the other person involved.