The Headspace I Hate

Yesterday, I wrote this:

I haven't heard back from my interview. It was a week ago, but they were supposed to turn it around quickly. The interview itself, well.....I'm not the best interviewee. I have to take long pauses to think about my answer (introvert), I worry as I'm answering if I'm making any sense (introvert), I ummmm and ahhhhh a whole lot searching for the right words (introvert), I end up being monotone (introvert). Basically, I think the interview sucked.

I know it didn't go as badly as I think it did, they often don't, but there's still an element of thinking, shit! I could've said x-y-z, or thinking I should have read that one specific document to prep. I thought I was prepped, after all I was just in that office working for them for 2 months. Eh...not so much.

For the last several days I've been suffering from senioritis. It is increasingly difficult to work on my projects when I don't even know if I'll be on this floor two weeks from now. Plus, I'm a little slow right now. Plus, it's the holidays. Plus we're touring elementary schools for X. Plus. Plus. Plus. There's a lot of distraction and not enough vacation time to just say fuck it, I'm taking some time off.

I don't know anything at this point and with it only being a week, I'm unsure as to whether I should ask if a selection has been made. What I do know is that I received meeting cancellations from someone else I know applied for the job. Like, all the standing meetings that this person usually sets up were all cancelled for the entire upcoming year within seconds of each other.

Here goes my head again, jumping to conclusions, assuming that the reason why all these meetings were cancelled is because this other person got the job that I WANT.


Today this happened:

I marched my little butt down to the office of one of the interviewers and asked if they had made a selection yet. The answer is yes, but we won't be informed until Friday. That means, all the brain damage I did freaking out over these meetings getting cancelled is for naught. They were cancelled for another reason, or I was taken off the list because I'm not supposed to be getting them anyway! They are leftovers from when I was temporarily in the position that I applied for.

Clear as mud?

Yeah, I thought so.

Friday, then. Friday is the day that all of us will be informed of the choice. I can handle that. It might take a glass of wine or 3 to keep me from diving into the dark swirling anxiety place again, but I can handle that.