Perimenopause

That last post? The super ragey, depressed, sky is falling post? Pretty sure that episode (and similar ones over the past few months) are indicating I've entered perimenopause.  

I ovulated a few days prior to said outburst, thanks to the handy dandy indicator that is mittleschmertz, which was a doozy of a burst cyst. I flew off the handle the night I wrote the post and turned into a screaming banshee suggesting divorce (no, we aren't having problems) since I was clearly a shitty mother/wife/friend/daughter/yadayada.  I went to bed crying then popped up the next morning relatively ok. Like, not a whole lot of residual feelings other than a "what the fuck was that". Since then, I've been feeling frustration, sure, there's truth in what I was feeling and what I wrote, it's not quite as dire a situation as I may have led you to believe. 

In addition to these ragey episodes that I can kind of tell are coming at the same time every month, my cycle has definitely gone a bit wonky. I think I've stopped ovulating on some of the cycles, having really light periods that last about 2 days. (which also fuck with my head and make me wonder if I'm pregnant. side note: S is being a chicken about the simple little procedure I asked him to do, and now that he's less than a year into his new job, he's probably not getting it any time soon).  My cycle lengths have been fluctuating a little bit as well although not so much that they feel erratic. Until today, when AF showed up 5'ish days early. 

 

Hey, welcome to a new phase of life. Hope this shit goes down fast cause 15 years of this crap is going to suck donkey balls.