Hi, I’m Geochick.

Welcome to my blog. What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy and spiritual awakening. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

I Should've Included DH In That Last One

My last post is a whole lot me-me-me. My experiences are easier to write about because I don't really know what was going on with S in this process. Compound the fact that he's a guy with the fact that he was raised by a fairly non-communicative family (loving, but they don't talk about "big stuff") and hopefully you start to see the picture. I actually started this post 2 days ago and can't quite figure out how to approach it, so the best thing to do is to relay what I observed and what S finally told me.

Way long time ago when we started TTC, S struggled to come to terms with upending our perfectly happy, non-money-worrying DINK existence. Given that I'm somewhat ambivalent about the whole pregnancy thing it was quite easy to put it off. However, I heard the loud ticking of the clock and it was agreed that I would start paying attention to my cycle but not tell him when it was a "good day". He was happily in denial until I started charting. That took the perceived spontaneity out of the process pretty quickly and a few months later both of us were scratching our heads. Once we went through the testing with the RE we realized that we had to come to a conclusion about how far we were going to go. Luckily I found an insurance plan that at least covered IUI's and luckily he had the same opinion of IVF that it wasn't going to be worth it for the money. Those conversations as we started fertility treatment probably started to make him think about what it meant to him to have a family and how we were going to get there. As the months ticked by and I became increasingly depressed we both drew away from each other and didn't talk much. Rather, I ranted and raved and he just sat there not knowing what to do. By the time I brought up moving ahead with the adoption and not going for the last 3 IUI's covered by my insurance he was ready. Sort of. It was pretty apparent that I was dragging him along with me but he also knew that he couldn't deal with me on the fertility drugs (I was a raving loon) and he was getting really frustrated with the month after month of BFN's. He mentioned a few times he didn't like it that I was going through invasive procedures and that I wasn't myself. Looking back I think he was feeling pretty helpless through all of this.

While we aren't always on the same page through the process we figured out that we were at least "in the same book" as our adoption agency director puts it.

Education, Shmeducation

Why Did We Choose Adoption?