Hi, I’m Tara.

What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy, spiritual awakening and whatever I feel like writing. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

Reading about Placements

Now that I'm following many adoption-waiting blogs,  I'm reminded of when I was on my message board with several other women trying to conceive.  At first it was fun, we were all in it together.  A couple were fertile and became pregnant within a few months.  A few suffered miscarriages but then got pregnant within a few months and carried to term.  The rest of us had a cheerleading team at our backs keeping fingers crossed, sprinkling ridiculous amounts of baby dust and giving us virtual hugs every month it didn't work.  One by one, everyone got pregnant.  Except me and one other woman.  By then it was frustrating.

When I started blogging and finding adoption blogs I found solace in reading all kinds of adoption blogs.  I like to read about the parenting aspect, a sort of gearing up for what's to come.  I like to read blogs written by other waiting prospective parents as it gives you relief to know there's others in the trenches.  I liked to read about the placements and follow along after baby comes home.

It must have something to do with hitting the year mark but I'm finding it difficult to read about families getting placements.  I suppose my competitive nature doesn't help but every time I read one I wonder how long they waited.  Just recently I read one where a family only waited a few months before being matched with their third child.  I was jealous.  Yet, we chose this agency for a reason.  We live in Colorado where the adoption laws appear to be more strict than other states (I'm not sure, not really up to wading thru that legalese but it's a feeling I get).  We knew it would likely be a longer wait because of the agency's process and have to remind ourselves that we squeaked onto the list right before our agency had to suspend applications.  So, if we had gone somewhere else where they limit the pool of prospective parents rather than having a list, and overall placements are slow in our area then we may not have even been able to get into a pool at another agency.  Then we'd be gnashing our teeth while we wait for the green light to even be considered.  At least this way there's a modicum of hope that an expectant mother doesn't find the perfect match until she gets all the way down to us.  How's that for arrogance?  heh.

I wish I had a solution, but for now I guess it's to drink the cool-aid and keep repeating 'my baby will find me in time'.  I hate that statement but it's all I've got at the moment.

Vacation - FINALLY

Four Day Weekend