Hi, I’m Tara.

What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy, spiritual awakening and whatever I feel like writing. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

Chemical Pregnancy

I'm 99% sure I was briefly pregnant this past cycle.  Without getting graphic, there was an incident on day 3 of my period which was wholly unlike anything I've seen before.  I called my doctor and after describing the symptoms she thinks that it probably was a chemical.  What I observed may have been tissue from an implantation attempt gone awry.  Couple that with a few pregnancy-like symptoms in the days leading up to my period and do the math.

I have way to black-and-white a personality to know how to handle a situation like this.  I don't want to get pregnant*.  But it's lame to take bcp's when they produce crappy symptoms and I've already received an infertility diagnosis. 

I realize I sound like a freak.  But this is a little peek into my fucked up head.  There you go.

*I want something to go according to my plan dammit.  So, I'm perfectly ok with, oh the ol' reproductive system kicking into gear after our first adoption.  I've invested so much time, emotion, and energy into the adoption path that I want to finish the journey.  Then my stupid body can start working.  Or not.  I don't care. But I don't want this fucking, oh, look at that, pregnant!  When I'm (fingers crossed) 6 months or less away from a match!

Follow-up on the Last Post

Musings on "Miracles"