Hi, I’m Tara.

What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy, spiritual awakening and whatever I feel like writing. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

Never-ending Stupid Comments

I'm apoplectic.  I love that word.

Two things happened yesterday that have my panties in a twist so to speak.

1.  Dear old mom made this statement in regards to the physical arrival of our baby.  "Well, it's a lot like pregnancy, you don't know when you're going to give birth".  Huh?  I informed her with a bit of an edge (ok, a lot of an edge) in my tone that SHE had 9 months in which to prepare.  Not knowing which exact DAY is NOTHING like waiting for the placement phone call which in our case could come 3 days from now or 8 months from now. 

2.  Our friends who made it into a recent Perfect Moment Monday post had this to say about the news of a mutual acquaintance's pregnancy:  "Well, guess they weren't stressed out".  A statement which made me lose my shit.  I jumped all over the guy and set him straight on whether or not stress causes infertility.  Apparently I have missed some choice articles lately, but he's read them.  The mutual acquaintances, as far as I know, have been comfortable with their decision to live child-free for the last, oh, 5-7 years.  So, how in the hell does one equate stress=infertility in this equation?  Fucking idiot.

As often happens, I have the short conversation setting straight whichever person has made the offending comment, go to sleep and wake up spitting mad ready for a fight.  S hates that and it generally leads to some sort of disagreement culminating in me telling S that he's not being supportive.  He begs to differ as these comments are hurtful to him too but that he doesn't feel that sending a mass e-mail to our friends in which I berate them all for not listening to my relevant teachings over the past few years, not to mention pointing out that I have been LIVING with infertility for a few years and probably know more than they do, is all that productive.

He may have a point.

Here's the rub.  People assume that I am stressed out all the time, after all I have that type of personality.  I have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility.   When people make the "stress=infertility" comment in my presence I'm offended.  It feels like they are telling me in a roundabout way that they think the reason why I didn't get pregnant in 20+ cycles of TTC, drugs and a few IUIs is because I simply do not know how to relax.  I want to scream at everyone in my inner circle that I was relaxed the first 6 months of TTC which, by the way included a whole lot of sex in Can.cun while I was ovulating.  So, explain to me why I didn't get pregnant then?  Oh, right, I must not have been relaxed enough.  Yeah, that's it.

I suppose that I have to get used to the moronic general public when it comes to issues about adoption and infertility.  As S stated this morning "You know, when our kid gets caught tp'ing someone's house people are going to say that he did it because he's adopted".  Right, right, that's it.  Because 12-year old boys who stay with their "real parents" don't ever do anything wrong.

I can't win.

Perfect Moment Monday - Picnic

Follow-up on the Last Post