Hi, I’m Tara.

What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy, spiritual awakening and whatever I feel like writing. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

Ready....or Not? (no match, don't get excited)

I liked the title because it describes our mental state, but I feel like I have to clarify for all my readers.  Wouldn't want to become a big tease.  ;-)

Anyway, I've been following a blog where their adoption experience is turning out much different from ours.  From what I can tell, they live somewhere where, in general waits aren't as long as here, and they were matched one month into their wait.  One Month.  I can't even fathom that short of a wait.  So, I'm following along as they are scrambling to get things in order for a baby due in the next couple of weeks.  Obviously in this situation it's almost impossible to be ready, but it got me thinking.  How ready will we be once we're matched?  Sure, we're in a position where we have all the gear and the crib and we'll be able to put a nursery together (working on that now actually), but emotionally?  I think we're about as ready as this other couple who's getting hurled into parentdom.  It's probably the anticipation that's killing us and once we are matched and we physically have a baby we'll probably feel like we're totally ready.  But right now, we don't.  S actually looked scared when I told him that we had been profiled but not chosen.

I finally looked into leave for adoption.  It's not as rosy a picture as I thought.  Silly me, I thought that if I pushed out a kid I'd be able to use up to 6 weeks sick leave so I should be able to do the same for my time home after the baby is born.  Hahahahahaha.  Where do I think I live?  A family-friendly country?  Anyhoo, instead of having most of my 12 weeks paid for I have whatever vacation time is accrued then I go unpaid for the rest.  There does appear to be a loophole of sorts, but that will involve the agency writing some letter requiring that I stay home to care for the child. Still think it's kind of bullshit.  Especially since I had put too many eggs in that basket. Whoops.

1 year 6 months waiting

Number 17 (still)