Hi, I’m Geochick.

Welcome to my blog. What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy and spiritual awakening. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

Random Bits

I've had many posts swirling in my head lately, but some wrist, thumb issues keeping me off the computer unless absolutely necessary, have been keeping me from fully expressing them.  Now, it's time for a brain dump.

I've recently read a couple of posts from people who are wondering when to have a baby shower while you are waiting.  I've got mixed feelings on this, so I thought I'd share my perspective (hindsight is 20-20 and all that jazz).  When we did it, it was because we thought we'd be waiting 12-15 months, not 2 years.  What I didn't pay attention to was the movement up the list.  We were number 25'ish and really not close to placement.  We also had just renewed our homestudy, which didn't put either one of us in the greatest of moods for a while.  Yet, I wanted to treat everything as if it were a "pregnancy", using that internal "but we're expectant parents too" whiny voice to convince myself.  The baby shower didn't feel real, I felt like a fraud, etc etc.  We've already had to take the carseat back and get a bigger one because of the changes to recommendations for rear-facing infants.   After all that has(not) happened over the past several months, I would have waited until we had a baby and held the shower then.  You know, better to hold it when we're happy (albeit sleep-deprived) instead of feeling beaten down by infertility and the adoption process.

I called our caseworker last Thursday when I couldn't take it anymore.  It was a good, if frustrating conversation.  Good, because she is frustrated as well.  She told me several times she did not think we were going to get to this point.  As I've mentioned previously, a mother specifically requested us from our website blurb and after going through her counseling and reviewing our profile further chose us.  Then she decided to parent.  Another mother chose us, and then decided to parent.  We knew about the one who had specifically requested us, I think because that's so unusual, but didn't know the outcome.  I thought that maybe she had chosen other parents.  We didn't know about the second potential match and I'm so happy about that.  It would be so much worse to have a match fall through once we're emotionally invested.  So, after those two, the agency experienced a slow down again, but apparently there are more inquiries from expectant mothers recently although our caseworker said many of them are not due for a while.  So, who knows what will happen.  Anyway, the upshot is that she's going to wait until the very last second to conduct our homestudy update in the hopes that a match comes through before June 29th.

My mom made curtains for our nursery.  They are adorable.  It's pretty fun to see how excited she is about a future grandbaby, and designing the curtains with her help turned out to be a lot of fun.  I didn't get the crafty gene, but I think she's already planning on making Halloween costumes.  :)  Overall, she's been getting better about being sympathetic toward our frustrations the longer this drags out.  My dad on the other hand never says anything.  I dunno, I guess that's how he is.  He'll listen when I give the updates, and will sort of shake his head and say "sheesh" but never overtly expresses anything.  It's weird because he's supportive, just not expressive.  I don't think I realized how non-expressive he was until now.

S was unusually weird this past weekend.  I say unusually weird because on Friday night he was hell bent on getting blitzed.  Not normal.  Saturday night he told me something happened at work.  A pretty good friend of his told him that his girlfriend was pregnant.  Not planned, not wanted, just pregnant.  And of course, said friend is supportive of our adoption but also can be a sarcastic a-hole and said some stupid shit to S thinking he was being funny.  It wasn't funny, and it bothered S a whole lot more than he let on.  Especially, because said friend broke this news to S after I had given S the update from our caseworker.  What a case of bad timing.  Anyway, so there's that.  

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