I haven't talked much about our match, mostly because it's so new and I've been trying to figure out what to say/not to say. When our caseworker called me on the Thursday before we found out we were chosen everything she told us about Baby X's mother, C, and her situation made my heart jump. This is adoption after all, it's never a good situation, however, it's the type of situation that I immediately thought, we have a really good chance at opening up without any reservations. C wants to have regular visits every few months. I hope that these visits evolve over time, and I would love for C to become part of our extended family.
Now, as far as our families go, I don't think they really believe that we are as open to opening up the adoption as we say we are. When we first told them that we weren't going to tell them anything about C and her situation, S's dad asked why we were being so "secretive" about her. S retorted with the statement that Baby X should not hear the details of his mom's situation from anyone except us and her. And then, S asked his dad if he had read the very short, very concise adoption book we gave to him. Guess what his answer was? Sometimes the things his dad says out of ignorance really drive me insane. My parents just kind of go "huh" when I mention visits with C. That drives me crazy too, but it's easier to ignore.
My friends have also asked some odd questions when I told them of the regular visits. The most common question revolves around whether I'm ok with it. I think that's odd, because I present the visits in a positive light. Not to mention that we wouldn't be matched with C if we weren't open to seeing her. And of course, our friends immediately ask what C's story is. And of course I have to shoot them down too. We aren't revealing anything about her, whether she's younger or older, her name, her family life, how Baby X came to be, nothing. I figure that once you tell people about one detail, it's a slippery slope and the next thing you know you could give up the goods. Besides, her story doesn't matter to anyone except Baby X.
I guess it all comes down to adoption being an extension of infertility. Unless you've been through it, unless you've had to confront these tough questions, and make hard decisions, you have no fucking idea what it entails. I didn't until we got into it. I just get really annoyed that I'm trying to educate family and friends and I feel like anything I say tends to fall on deaf ears.