Hi, I’m Tara.

What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy, spiritual awakening and whatever I feel like writing. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.


There's a few countdowns going on around here.

We have a meeting set up with C in a couple weeks.  Unfortunately her situation has become a little more difficult logistically, but she's still determined to see Baby X.  Her caseworker is bringing her to our designated meeting place.  I probably sounded like our agency discourages open adoption, in my OART post, but I think it's more that they are cautious at first.  I'm feeling much better about things since her caseworker is willing to pick her up and bring her to the meeting.  S and I are excited and a little nervous, but not nearly as nervous as our first meeting.  We'll be taking the photos and letters we're supposed to send to the agency in September to give to her in person.

I only have 4.5 weeks of leave, then it's back to work, and S takes over daily Baby X care.  *Sigh*  It's been nice to be home with Baby X, and I can't believe how fast the time has gone.  Every summer is like this it seems, and this is no exception.  We've been going non-stop for the past few weeks with birthdays and visits from family and friends.  On top of that, S and I have been trying to keep up with our exercise routines, which for him means a lot of mountain biking.  He would have a hobby that takes 4 hours!  I'm having a hard time figuring out how we're going to juggle everything once we're both back to work.  Things I worry about when they are months away...sheesh.

The court hearing for termination of parental rights has been pushed to a month later than originally scheduled.  While we have not heard of anything coming out of this waiting period, and the reason why it was pushed was because of confusion over how long the publication has been run, it's a milestone we thought we would be past by the end of this week.

So, here's the list of things I thought I would be able to do once we settled into a routine:
 - Brew another batch of beer.  Our last two were absymal failures.  Ok, so you need at least 5 hours to do it, and there's some tricky timing, plus you cook for a long time and it's hot out.  I'm not turning on the stove unless I have to.  We'll save that for a fall weekend.

- Paint the trim and ceiling in the laundry room.  Yeah, who am I kidding.  First of all, I have an infant to take care of.  Second, it's hot as hell and we don't have air conditioning in our house.  Who wants to paint in that kind of weather?

- Start Baby X's scrapbook/baby book.  hahahaha, I don't even keep up with our vacations, and I'm not very good at scrapbooking.  What was I thinking?  Maybe I'll get it started before I go back to work.  Or, I'll just buy a baby book and follow their prompts. Sometimes, that's the way to do it.  Less thinking on my part.

I have managed to keep the house somewhat clean.  Some days are better than others.  I've also managed to go for walks a few times a week, which makes the dog happy.  I've managed to meet friends for lunch too, and go to Jaz.zerc.ise when they have child care.  And shopping.  Like today, I will be escaping the heat by driving around with the a/c on full blast and going to the store for whatever reason.  :)

...and I just have to get excited for a minute.  All you yogis our there will appreciate this.  Yesterday, in class (a very challenging class I might add), I managed a Bird of Paradise - Svarga Dvidasana pose on one side.  The entire class felt like it was bound twisting poses.  Almost every muscle in my torso is sore today, but that's how we get better, right?  Oh, and if there is anyone out there who can do Bound Revolved Half-Moon pose, you are a rock star.  I can't even begin to get my leg off the floor.

All About the Wait and How it Fades from Memory

Open Adoption Roundtable #28