Hi, I’m Tara.

What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy, spiritual awakening and whatever I feel like writing. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

Our Day in Court

Last Friday was our day in court.  The agency has an adoption day in court where they get several families together and have a potluck lunch, socialize and have a conference room to hang out in while we wait our turn in from of the magistrate.  Other family members are invited so we made a big day of it.  All the grandparents made the trip plus S's sister. 

That morning we took my car in for some maintenance and went to breakfast, just the three of us.  It was nice and relaxing until I made the executive decision that Baby X had absolutely nothing to wear and a shopping extravaganza must commence immediately.  The only clothing store open at 9am near us is Tar-get.  In my anxiety, I made a special trip to find the perfect cute little man outfit.  Despite, of course, S's insistence that the outfit I had decided on two days ago was perfectly fine.  The short and fruitless search for the perfect outfit took about an hour all told.  According to Tar-get, 6-month old baby boys are supposed to spend their days in oh-so-adorable monkeys, ducks, footballs, basketballs, and super-cute little sayings.  Not something sharp like a shirt and vest.  *sigh*  So, he went as the worlds littlest lumberjack in a flannel plaid onsie and gray pants.

Baby X decided that day that four hours is entirely too long in-between feedings.   Unbeknownst to us of course.  There we were trying to enjoy the potluck and chat with people while he would fuss and cry and squirm and almost fall asleep, yet somehow wake up, cry and squirm and almost fall asleep all over again.  After an hour and half of rocking and shushing and pushing back and forth in the stroller, I finally figured we should feed him.  Shocking how that changed everything.  Once he was happily full of formula, he became his usual happy, flirty self.  Which, was so helpful given that we went last.  I'm so happy our parents and S's sister came with us because Baby X had plenty of play time and it made the afternoon go a little smoother.

We finally got down to the hearing room and Baby X was quite chatty with the magistrate.  The hearing itself was very short, 10 minutes or so and had some standard questions.  Baby X answered all of them with squawks and squeals and giggles.  (perfect!)  After our brief hearing, we were told we have an initial adoption decree.  Many of the families were finalizing, but we weren't.  Colorado has a mandatory 6-month waiting period before finalization so we have to wait for the final decree until the middle of December.

So, we're one step closer to being a forever-family.  I can't wait to finally shut the door on our journey to becoming parents.  It's not shutting the door on the adoption journey, and it's certainly not shutting the door on our relationship with C.  It's shutting the door on the last several years of TTC, fertility testing, failed fertility treatments, grief, loud ticking of the biological clock, anger, and more grief.  The hard copy proof that I am truly a parent is going to signal slamming the door in the face of infertility.  Once and for all.

All Things Baby X

My Mental Journey to Open Adoption