Hi, I’m Tara.

What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy, spiritual awakening and whatever I feel like writing. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

I Should Be Working...

Did I mention it's 8:30pm on a Monday?

Lately, this is how work is going:

Looks organized

But really, I feel like this
Followed by this

Where are all the unemployed geotechnical engineers?  We've been hiring non-stop for almost a year and still, most everyone in my group is overwhelmed with work.  I have five different dams I'm working on and I'm the lead on three, co-lead on one, and mercifully just a worker-bee on one.  Three of my five projects could easily keep me busy full time.  Two projects are for a difficult (putting it nicely) client.  I wish I could dump those on someone else, and I tried with one of them, but there was no one to dump on!
Meanwhile, we have three out of town weddings coming up and two of those happened to fall on back to back weekends.  My brain has been so full of looking for reasonable airfare, schedules, rental cars, hotels, etc. that I hardly have room for actual work. 

I think the status quo for me is to be frazzled.

 Example 1:  I went to a friend's bachelorette party a few weeks ago and having half-read the e-mail that had directions totally missed the part where an R-E-I was mentioned.  I needed to go to R-E-I and on my way to the party, stopped at the flagship downtown which is always a hassle on a Saturday.  It made me late to the pedicures and when I saw the sign for the R-E-I at the mall we were gathering at I was dumbfounded.

Example 2:  Today during a meeting, a geologist said "I met you at a meeting for such-and-such dam.  To which I looked at her blankly and thought, "dammit, why don't I remember her, I'm the team lead on that project!".  

That's pretty much how I operate these days, brain won't turn off, I'm thinking of a million things at once, I don't focus and I have mini-meltdowns over the amount of work I have to accomplish about every week.

We still have two more days on our four-packs to go skiing and it feels like something we have to do.  Don't get me wrong, I love skiing and I have fun when we go, but in the back of my mind, the lists are still running and about halfway through the day I'm getting all worked up about all the crap I'm not gonna get done because we spent the day skiing.  At least next week, we'll be taking a day off and going when Baby  X is in day care. 

You would think that these situations would help me convince S that we need to hire a cleaning service.  Nope!  Maybe I'll tell him that would be the best 10-year anniversary present ever...a year's worth, of course.

p.s.  I don't think S is doing a whole lot better than me, except that his personality is more laid back than mine.  He totally blew off Valen.tine's Day this year and didn't even get me a card.  I at least managed to get him a card!  And then, his excuse was that I was in New Orleans.  Yeah, but I had the card with me and gave it to him when he showed up.  Then, when we got back and I mentioned it, he just shrugged.  Finally, a few days later he showed up with a bouquet of tulips and a "Sorry I'm being lazy" statement.  I guess that's ok, but it does piss me off when he knows he's blowing me off and uses the excuse that he doesn't like shopping with Baby X.  Neither do I, but I do it if I have to.  You know, like when I got HIS card.

Reminders Everywhere

Pity Party Over