When we went to the cloth diapering class a long long time ago during our wait, I was surrounded by pregnant bellies. S was the only man in the class and boy am I glad I dragged him, because even if I wasn't talking about how great a peri bottle is to re-purpose for wetting down flannel wipes, at least I had a supportive husband willing to learn about cloth diapering. Granted I bribed him with a visit to a local pizza place that carries an awesome beer selection that just so happens to be across the street from the store...
Today I got the usual newsletter from the store and with it several events listed. This was the first one listed:
New Mom's Meetup - Our New Mom's Meetup has become so popular that we now have two times available each week! Come and enjoy the company of other mom's while we talk about birth stories, breastfeeding and other joys and challenges of having (or expecting) a little one! Children under 2 years are welcome. Hosted by--- . Thursdays 10-12 or 1-3 - Free!
Two things jumped out at me that immediately exclude me from participating or even wanting to participate. The first is the sentence in which everyone gets together to talk about birth stories and bf'ing. Really? I can understand bf'ing because I know a few women who really had a hard time with it. I can totally understand wanting to find other women who can offer help, be a shoulder to cry on, whatever. But birth stories? Why is it that women feel the need to rehash their birth story ad-naseum? Sure, writing it down in your blog makes sense to preserve it for history, and even I'm curious about what goes down and the many different outcomes of what you think will happen vs. what actually happens. But, then I'm done. I just don't understand why you would presumably make it a big part of a new mom's meet-up. Then again, I have no birth story.
To protect myself, I tend to squash all that down into the deepest pit of my stomach (or hips if you want to get all yogic about it, and damn, are they tight!) I know I do this, and maybe it means I haven't fully dealt with the grief, although I feel like I have as much as I can to this point. I don't feel like crying anymore at random times, and when I was in the thick of things, a couple of times I cried in yoga classes during shavasana. Other times I cried in my cube at work or in the bathroom. Or I would be watching tv and some weird thing would trigger it. Or I'd get another pregnancy announcement...so, yeah, I did my fair share of grieving.
Now I'm off topic. The point I'm trying to make and not making particularly eloquently is that there are many "new mom" things that I immediately feel excluded from. This particular group is further excluding me and all adoptive moms solely by it's description. So, I guess it's up to me to find other avenues of connection and camaraderie. It will never be in the traditional way either. As adoptive parents we have to find our own way, find our own connections, and I'm so grateful for the online connections I've made. If we were navigating this path ten years ago, I think it would be a whole lot more difficult as finding the resources weren't quite at the tips of our fingers the way they are now.