Hi, I’m Tara.

What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy, spiritual awakening and whatever I feel like writing. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

Sorry About That

My post for the book club went up early and I decided I want to tweak it, so I took it down.  The revised version will be up tomorrow.
I'd like to take this moment to rant. (Yes,this might also have something to do with taking the other post down.  Hey, it's my space.)  Yesterday S and I took off for the hills with Baby X in tow.  We enjoyed a quiet lunch (read: practically empty) at a favorite brewery during which S noticed that many of the kids in tow with their families appeared to be adopted (transracial).  That was an interesting observation for sure and made me think perhaps we weren't the only ones seeking shelter from the M-day madness.  More likely it was a weird coincidence.  Anyway, after lunch we went shopping at the outlet mall and while I popped into a jeans store with Baby X, S went looking for the restroom.  A very young sales girl came up to me while I was browsing the clearance rack and attempted to strike up a conversation that went a little something like this:
Her:  Oh are you out for a day by yourself? Well, sort of?  Is there something I can help you find?
Me:  Uh, just looking  thanks.
She comes over a couple minutes later (the store was dead)
Her:  Oh he's so cute!
Me:  Thanks.
Her:  He has such long eyelashes!  Who did he get those from?  (Peers at me shuffling through the rack).  They came from you!
Me:  They came from his birthmother. (I'm annoyed at this point, I like to shop in peace)
Her:  Uh, are you his aunt or something?
Me:  No, we adopted him.  (By now S is back,  and I'm looking for the damn dressing room.)
Her:  Oh, well, that's different.  (Stares at X again).  He kind of looks like you in a weird way.
Me:  Um, ok.
I tried on the jeans, actually liked them and they were a smoking deal but I was so fucking annoyed at the exchange with the salesgirl that I didn't buy them.  Granted, I could have murmured something non commital at the eyes comment and hoped that she would leave me the fuck alone, but it didn't feel like that would work.  I guess part of me wanted to put her in her place for interrupting my deal hunting (which, by the way is kind of difficult with a kid who is getting antsy), and part of me was extra-sensitive and looking for a fight.  Poor girl.  Probably didn't know what hit her.

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That Day Is Upon Us