Hi, I’m Tara.

What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy, spiritual awakening and whatever I feel like writing. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

What This Space is to Me

Recently, some bloggers I read have been discussing what the space means to them and the pitfalls of being "found out" IRL, or of offering up their blog to people IRL who aren't on the same journey. It's no secret that I'm attempting to stay anonymous. I've posted pictures in the past, but I don't anymore. I've thought about opening my blog to people IRL who are close friends, but stop short when I realize that they have no idea what I'm actually going through and will probably take something I write the wrong way. I tested that theory by posting this on F-B last summer, which contributed to this ridiculous encounter, ruining a friendship.

So, really, it's probably better that I protect my privacy as much as possible given the apparent power of my words taken the wrong way.

Lately, I've been censuring myself as I try to figure out where to go with this blog, and I think that it's led to me feeling like I don't get as much out of it anymore. When I first started blogging, it was an extension of a message board I left. I still had some friends on the board and didn't want to lose them completely so I started blogging. Soon, I was just letting loose writing whatever I felt like writing whenever it struck me, even if it was repeated posts about how depressed and angry I was about the wait.

That's all changed. Now, I feel like I should be writing about something meaningful every time I post. There are so many great writers I follow that I look up to, and I wish that I could write as well, as thoughtfully and eloquently as them. Eloquence is a trait I struggle to develop as it's not my nature to really think about what I'm writing beyond getting the point across in as few words as possible. So, I'll probably never have the following of these women who express themselves so well, always blogging about interesting subjects, and really delving into the details. I suppose I have to be ok with that. Not everything has to be a competition despite my desire to make everything a competition.

Note to Self

Nothing Better To Do