Hi, I’m Tara.

What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy, spiritual awakening and whatever I feel like writing. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.


I didn't let it ruin my weekend.

S and I had a fun weekend planned, it was something that we had been talking about doing for months.  We dropped Baby X off with S's parents Sunday morning, hightailed it up to the mountains and had a nice bike ride around a reservoir.  It was perfect weather, cool but sunny, and S was excited to be sharing something with me that he loves to do.  Hence, the reason why on the one big hill climb, I swore and sweated and struggled while wondering why the hell there isn't a granny-granny gear, and S would ride around the bend (or two), then come sailing back to me with a "You're doing great, keep it up"!   At least the rest of the ride is gentle rolling hills and flats.

On Monday, we drove down to pick up Baby X only to find out that he was asleep by the time we got to S's parents house, so we did some shopping while waiting for him to wake up.  I dragged S to every baby store in the mall looking for deals and got some great ones.  All I can say, is thank you Universe for extra 25% off clearance.  Baby X is starting to destroy his clothes at day care and we are now having to be careful not to dress him in anything we are particularly attached to when sending him off in the morning.  So, that killed about an hour and then we spent the rest of the day trying to gear up for going back to work.

Today, it ruined my day.  You see, there was an altercation on Friday between me and a close family member that left me shaken and furious.  I was treated like I was a fucking teenager, although I don't think yelling things like "act your age" make you look like the mature one.  I was pissed that this happened before a long holiday weekend.  I was pissed that something like this was happening again (aren't I too old for such dressing downs?)  And it kind of broke something in me.  As in, I am not going to put up with this bullshit anymore.

So, I went into work, attempted to focus.  Couldn't focus, called Therapist and got an appointment for the afternoon.  After trying to make myself get to work, and still not being able to focus, I had had it.  I couldn't sit there any longer.  So, I left.  There was no way I was going to get anything productive done.

I still feel somewhat like shit.  I'm still angry, but I have a better perspective now that I've had a session to vent and wonder what the fuck just happened.  I have some time to cool down before having to even think about speaking to this person.  I have some time to process and figure out how to approach the problem.  (yay for time?)  Maybe it'll get resolved, maybe it won't.  It felt like a deal breaker to me, but maybe I can find a way to work around it.

There was progress though.  I didn't let it ruin my weekend.

Open Adoption Roundtable #40: Reasons for Choosing Open Adoption

Ahhhh Therapy....