Hi, I’m Tara.

What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy, spiritual awakening and whatever I feel like writing. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

One of Those Nights

It has nothing to do with Baby X and everything to do with work, snow, and cold.

Earlier this week I had the unfortunate role of Team Lead of Project Under Massive Scrutiny.  Well, actually, I've had that role for over a year now, but it got worse.  A "team of experts" was called in to "review" the path forward and propose alternate paths forward.  As it goes, being the Team Lead, which makes me feel responsible for the current path of the project, I felt quite beaten down.
Forget the fact that it took a team of people agreeing on the risks at the facility to get to this point...since I'm the Lead, everyone else gets to skip off into the sunset and I deal with the fallout.  Awesome.

Oddly enough, it wasn't until the day after that I got really really pissed off.  Delayed reaction I suppose, plus I had a higher up come to my cube and announce that they didn't do what he thought they were going to do and I almost lost my shit.  Well, that's not true, because now my brain is getting enough serotonin so it's less losing my shit and flying off the handle and more of a slow burn.  I know that in a few years when most of these "experts" are retired that someone, somewhere is going to ask the question "Why didn't we study this further?  You had a field program laid out, what happened?"....and we'll be back to square one.  I'm not kidding, that's how this goes down all the time.  Try to save money now only to end up spending more down the road.  It can be really frustrating dealing with the people who hold the purse strings.

So, the day after the meeting, I got increasingly more pissed off, it started raining, it was cold, I left work a little late, waltzed into the house and announced that I wanted to go out to eat, screw everything we were supposed to do that night. S was supposed to go to the gym, but he was easy to convince.  Apparently, we were on the same page, so we bundled up Baby X, went to the restaurant and frittered the school night away.  All-in-all, Baby X did pretty good considering that he's been going to sleep before 7 lately (growth spurt?) and got cranky right at the end (7:30'ish).  S amused him by showing him the car racing video game (oh, I know, believe me I kid wasn't going to be exposed to video games this early.  He also wasn't going to eat crackers and fruit for dinner, but that's gone out the window a couple times already).

And that's how I ended up with a teeny hangover for work the next morning.  Can't do it like I used to.  Not even close.

p.s.  My mom fed Baby X a peanut butter and jelly sandwich over the weekend (welp, guess he isn't allergic to nuts seeing as how those are the first he's ever had), and when I went to take the car seat out of their car it was stupid-loose.  Like fling it all over the car loose.  *argh*

Hall.oween Redux

Some of My Favorite Outdoorsy Places