Hi, I’m Geochick.

Welcome to my blog. What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy and spiritual awakening. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

Hello Holidays!

Anyone else feel like we're on a luge track hurtling to the year end?  Time is speeding up and only gets faster from November to January.  Thankfully for us, there isn't travel involved for our holidays, but there is a whole lot of cramming activity into what seems like a short amount of time.  What I wouldn't give to be able to take off all of December to just chill.  Right, but there's that money thing, and getting paid and whatnot. 

Anyway, the with my family is done and it was fine.  This was the first time I had been to my parents house fully under the influence of my new favorite medication (S-S-R-I) and it was lovely to not feel constantly on edge the whole time.  Don't get me wrong, lame stuff was still said, annoying things done, but I was much less apt to snap and act pissy.  A brother of mine is on the paleo diet and had been waxing on about how amazing all this food is.  Well, the butternut squash soup was fine, not blown away amazing, but I enjoyed it.  The chocolate mousse made from avocado, meh.  I was not loving that although I can't tell if it was because the avocados were past their prime, or it's just a weird combo of avocado, cocoa powder and maple syrup.  It may be worth trying again some time, however, with better avocados.  Mostly, I subscribe to the everything in moderation diet with an emphasis on whole food rather than processed.  But, I've been working on my diet for years and getting hit upside the head with the infertility-stick brought it into keen focus.  I imagine that he is beginning his diet-journey and at some point will figure out that extreme diets don't work.  Meanwhile, it'll be a hilarious succession of various epiphanies that I get to be witness to (he loves to act like he knows it all).

I ended up spending most of Friday shopping, which I never do.  I hit the eco-baby store in town early because they were having a good sale.  After lunch, my mom called me and she and a friend were at the mall near my house and she said it wasn't bad, so I decided to join them because it would make her happy to go shopping together.  It was a lot like a rainy Saturday type crowd, and I was able to find parking easily, and managed to get a few gifts.  All-in-all, not the nightmare I pictured it being, so I'd call it a success.

Now I'm staring down Sunday night and wondering what the hell happened to the weekend and everything I was going to accomplish.  Friday was blown by shopping, Saturday was blown by S mountain biking, which took half the day.  Baby X is at the stage where he needs constant supervision, and he gets all up in my grill when I'm trying to say...unload the dishwasher.  Check that, he gets all up in the dishwasher when I'm trying to unload it.  Thus, nothing gets done unless he's taking a nap.  Today I did a little bit of work on a final draft for a paper I'm presenting at a conference, but I'm still not done and it's due Dec. 1 (I'm not allowed to work on it at work, which sucks because I'm kind of light on work at the moment).  By the way, did you know that there is such thing as a "compound numerical adjective modifier"?  I didn't, but the reviewer sure knows his technical writing and grammar.

I also get homework from my therapist, and now that I'm only seeing her every other week, it's pretty intense.  I have a book to finish reading and over the next two weeks I'm supposed to write down three things I did well every day (or most days).  It's part of the work to re-frame how I think about myself.  I've been making some progress, and I think it helps that my brain chemistry is working better than it had been because I don't constantly feel like I'm spoiling for a fight.   Anyway, I was able to delete an e-mail that totally pissed me off after working through whether it was really intended for me (no, I was cc'd), what the author was trying to accomplish (get the person it was addressed to make a g-damn decision already), and how the author's personality is (passive-aggressive).  And so, I got pissed, but didn't reply, and will sit back and let it play out.  Because that's how it's supposed to go.  Because it isn't about me and my performance, it's about a larger issue and my involvement is needed, just not on this particular decision.  Honestly, the ass-hole shouldn't have cc'd me at all.  Anyway, yay me for not hitting the reply button.

p.s.  At 17 months and 2 weeks, Baby X climbed out of his crib.  Holey Moley.  That was at least 6 months earlier than I planned for mentally.  We've got the crib converted to toddler bed and after a couple weeks he seems relatively well adjusted to it.  Can't wait until he figures out the doorknob.

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