Hi, I’m Tara.

What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy, spiritual awakening and whatever I feel like writing. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

Several Posts Brewing But...

I can't find time to really sit down and compose.  I tend to get really great ideas while I'm at work, which is hardly appropriate.  A lot of the time I'll start a post to get the ideas down, and then forget about it.  Or, I'll promise myself I'll finish it on the weekend at home then Sunday night comes and the weekend is over, and I'm not motivated to do much of anything.

It's been a super busy weekend around here.  We tend to screw up our scheduling so that we end up with a visit with C on the same day we have a potluck scheduled for a transracial adoptive families group we've joined.    Baby X hardly slept yesterday, only taking a catnap in the car when we were driving home from our visit with C.  I realized at this visit that it might be a good idea to start showing him pictures of her regularly so that he recognizes her.  He definitely doesn't know who she is and is wary, but he did warm up a little better this time and played with her a little.  S and I discussed having her over to our house for subsequent visits, but she lives really far away from us and it would be a lot of driving since her modes of transportation are limited.  This time we found a nice  library to hang out in for a while and warm we went outside for a bit because Baby X was getting restless and making me nervous (kid has some lungs).  It sort of worked, or at least it was better than meeting at a coffee shop given Baby X's current activity level.  But, if we had her over to our house it would be a whole lot easier and more relaxing I think. 

The potluck was pretty good.  They are always rowdy with lots of kids running around the house so it's hard to visit, plus I feel like most of the people already have developed relationships and it's really difficult to start up conversations (for me) only based on "hey, you adopted too".  You think there's lots to talk about, but there really isn't, and I generally end up feeling like I stuck my foot in my mouth.  We've only been to a handful of events at this point, and it should get better as we become a little more visible in the group.  It's tiring though, all this socializing! 

Today was a whole lot of nothing.  It could have been awesomely productive given that a) Baby X woke up at 4:30am and sort-of-kind-of slept until 6am at which point he got really cranky because he was hungry.  So, 6am on a Sunday (no, really 4:30am on a Sunday followed by fitful napping because of squirmy-pants in the bed next to me).  Oh, how early that feels on the weekend!  But, I didn't do anything useful except waste a fair amount of time on  Boy is that a time suck.  Fun, but I really should have been doing my therapy homework instead.  I still haven't finished the book, and in two weeks, instead of writing down three things I did well every day, I've written...exactly one thing.  I have some in my head buried deep that I have to dredge up and get on paper, but I've pretty much blown it off.  Somehow, I don't think Therapist is going to call that progress.

I shouldn't say nothing was accomplished.  We managed to get out tree up and decorate around the house a bit.  I ran a couple of errands, and Baby X slept most of the day.  Yesterday's activities really wore him out, especially since he didn't nap.  S was the most productive, he actually got in a 2-hr bike ride.  Beginning of December and it was around 70 degrees today.  It doesn't feel like fall and the lack of precip is driving me crazy.  The mountains need snow!  Now, the upside to the lack of snow is that the timing is perfect.  Sure, we were busy with Baby X and couldn't ski 20 times last year (we managed 3), but we didn't even want to it sucked so bad.  With the slow start this year, it's looking like it might be the same.

The Fertile vs. the Infertile

Hello Holidays!