Hi, I’m Tara.

What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy, spiritual awakening and whatever I feel like writing. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

Late to the Fray but Jumping in Anyway

I'm not sure I'm completely caught up on the "Bitter Infertiles" controversy, but the fact that the podcast is now on hiatus prompted me to get up on my soapbox and start shouting.



In the time I've been involved in the ALI blogging community (I guess it's been about 3.5 years), I've felt like I have a relatively low profile.  I follow lots of blogs, and who I follow has changed over time.  At one point I followed quite a few infertility blogs even though I started this blog after we were done with treatments.  Then, when our wait became too much and I realized that I couldn't relate to fertility treatment anymore, I started following more adoption blogs than infertility blogs.  Now, I tend to follow blogs where people are parenting, and am definitely skewed toward adoption, although there is a sprinkling of infertility blogs too.  That's the beauty of the ALI community, wherever I am in my journey, I can find a blogger in a similar situation, gain insight, learn a few things, comiserate and support.  I feel bad when I stop reading someone's blog, but then I tend to remind myself, that this is my place to be selfish.  I choose to read what I need, and unfortunately sometimes I don't need a certain type of blog.  My reader already has hundreds of unread items if I let it go a few days, I have trouble keeping up!  If I had all those blogs that don't necessarily fit where I am today in there, I'd never get through them all.

The readership on this blog fluctuates as well.  I've seen it rise and fall a little bit depending on what I'm writing about at the time, and while it's a bummer to see people drop off, I have to realize that I do the same thing.  I can't be everything to everyone.  That's not the purpose of my blog anyway.  If I were to categorize this blog, I'd say I'm a general diarist.  This is a slice of my life and thoughts.  It's fun (and a little creepy sometimes) to get support from others in the blogosphere, and as is inevitable, the attacks come too.  *knock on wood*  I've been fortunate in that I have rarely been attacked, although "Anonymous'" comment on my previous post is pretty fun.

That's my perspective on what I think is the purpose of the ALI community.  Maybe I'm wrong because I can't believe the shitstorm that went on regarding the "Bitter Infertiles" podcast.  (And don't get me started on the PAIL thing either...maybe it's because both have happened pretty close together than I'm stumped)  First, it's fine to not listen to the podcast once all three women became pregnant, but what the hell did anyone think might happen when three women who are actively going through treatments have a podcast?  They might get pregnant, or they might not, or they may decide to live child-free, or they may adopt.  It just so happens, that they all got pregnant relatively close together.  It's just timing.  To criticize these women for not having the so-called correct perspective (i.e.  continually be going through treatments and failing) is ridiculuous in my opinion.  (I would like to add that I am not targeting anyone specifically because I've read the fall-out than actual posts that started this...also this is my opinion, so suck it if you don't like it).  They have all gone through multiple challenges in trying to get pregnant and some situations have been devastating to them and their families.  I for one think that each of these women have a unique perspective to bring to the table, and given that they were spending hours of their time every week trying to reach out to the general public, they should be applauded.  It's one thing to have a blog that can stay relatively anonymous, but I think it's a whole other animal to be airing your infertility laundry via podcasting.  It seems so much more personal to me, and I applaud each of them for having the courage to do it.

I for one, am very sad that the "Bitter Infertiles" have had to take a hiatus because of what's gone on.  In my opinion, the ALI community should have supported our own.  We get enough push back from our family and friends who don't get it.  Why do we need to attack those who are trying to offer support and advocate?

Open Adoption Roundtable #43 - Talking with Family Members about Open Adoption

She's Direct, Bless Her Heart