Hi, I’m Geochick.

Welcome to my blog. What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy and spiritual awakening. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

well i tried

I always find it frustrating when I write what I think is an interesting and important post, even doing research and taking time to flesh it out.....then....crickets.....

Oh well.  I'm in a funk today due to a fight I'm having with my mom.  It's amazing really, how she immediately assume I did something "bad" and gets herself completely bent out of shape, demanding through texts that I tell her whether or not I did something because she is so upset by the thought that I may have.  Given that this "something" that I may  or may not have done is something so asinine, so high-school, so sociopathic, that I can't even believe that she thinks I might have done it.

I think I know when not to engage someone on F-B.  But, I reserve the right to get annoyed at a family member for hi-jacking a post about my new niece with her own declaration that she guesses she's up to bat next.  Last night S made two observations about how things have been going with my parents over the last year (not so great).  First, something seems to kind of blow up with them when we want them to babysit.  Second, my mother can't let me have an opinion that is different from hers.  She thought the comment was funny.  S and I thought it was dumb.  She can't let me think it's dumb, she has to jump to the other family member's defense like she's her daughter, not me. 

It's unbelievable.  So, there you have it, my mother constantly is afraid of me being out in the world and acting like a "bad kid".  Ironically, I spent my entire childhood trying to be perfect, yet, apparently I never quite succeeded if this shit is still happening.

Have I mentioned that I'm 38?  At 38, should I be screamed at by my father because I've been testy with my mother?  At 38, should I get incessant texts from my mother demanding that I prove to her that I did not in fact, slander someone on F-B?

I can't even describe the head space I'm in right now.  Defeated.  Confused.  Angry.  I don't want to see my parents.  Given that two major incidents have occurred in the space of a year, I'm wondering if I should be taking a giant step back.

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