Hi, I’m Tara.

What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy, spiritual awakening and whatever I feel like writing. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

Mush For Brains

Thanks for all the kind comments!  It's been nice to see words of encouragement over the past few days.

After getting the news Monday afternoon about the match, I went into survival mode.  For me, that means bolting awake at 12:30am with to-do lists in my head.  Having some kind of control makes me feel like I have control over the situation.....until I can't even complete the lists because I'm so scatterbrained.

To make matters worse, S was out of town for training this week.  We ended up having to pay a couple hundred bucks to change his flight so that he could get back for a meeting with the expectant parents this morning.  We tried to move the meeting to Monday morning, but we are getting the message that she is concerned about going into labor before she actually meets us, and it is important to her that we meet prior birth.

The formal presentation with the agency went well despite S having to leave his training to call in.  The story is that this couple contacted a national agency in April, but were insistent on having a local family adopt.  They also were looking for a family who already had a child.  So, because the other agency only had a couple of CO families who weren't good matches, the couple was recommended to our agency.  They saw our profile on the website, checked out our personal website, and that was it.  The agency profiled a few other families to them, but they came back to us!

Over the past few days, I have vacillated from excited, to scared sh*tless, to anxious to focused.  Most of the day is spent trying not to throw up.  And those lists I made at 12:30 in the morning?  Eh, a couple thing have been crossed off, but it has been a Herculean effort to stay focused on a task long enough to accomplish anything.

I'm nervous about the meeting.  It's hard enough to make conversation with complete strangers at a party.   This is unfathomable.  With Baby X it was nerve-wracking, but before we were brought into the picture, C had signed the termination papers.  This time, we are waiting out the decision-making process.  While our risk is low, there are still elements on the periphery that could come into play. 


We Interrupt This Regularly Scheduled Whining About Taxes to Bring Some News