Hi, I’m Tara.

What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy, spiritual awakening and whatever I feel like writing. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

Can't Keep A Secret

Me, that is.

I thought I would sit on it, wait until we really knew for sure what was going on, what with all the telling and un-telling and lots of pain the last match entailed.  Alas, patience is not one of my traits.  I have to get it out somehow so that I CAN keep it a secret in every day life until we really know how we will proceed.

We aren't matched...yet. 

The Universe sure does work in odd ways as the last few weeks of my life attest.  These coincidentally occurring events are the stuff of literature and plays and movies and religious teachings.  Ok, I might be getting out of hand.  A brief summary for you:

Tossing around in our minds for some time before the match with Baby A was the idea of going into the Flex.ible Fam.ily pool at our agency.  This would be working through the fo.ster-ad.opt process, and we thought it might be a good idea to explore the possiblity.  I finally broached the subject to our caseworker in an e-mail expressing our interest in learning more about the program.

An acquaintance of mine reached out to me and offered to donate her frozen embryos from her cycles.  Out of the blue, I might add.  In fact, I have never met face to face or even talked on the phone with this person, but we have had an infertility journey together, meeting several years ago on a message boards.

Research, research research, soul searching, pros and cons lists and a couple of long discussions with S.   Kind of reach a decision, but then I second guess and dive back into research.  It's what I do when I'm anxious. 

A yoga class in which my intention is LET GO.  Feeling oddly centered and light in a way that I haven't felt in a long time after the class.

Following said centering yoga class: A long discussion about how we are building our family, why am I entertaining donated embryo F.E.T if I don't want to do a full I.V.F. (easy for me to say:  less crazy drugs  and less expensive!).  Plus, how scared we are of the prospect of another failed match.  Coming to the realization that I am (S less so) just as frustrated with this adoption wait as I was the first go-round. You think it'll be easier, but I have been staring at my phone several times since our last update thinking, ring dammit!  We are nowhere near the top of the list by the way.

The day after said discussion: A phone call.

We're being profiled along with a handful of other families for a special situation.

Stay tuned...

Well, We Can Get On With Life

The Monday Snapshot - Female Engineer in a Man's World