Hi, I’m Tara.

What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy, spiritual awakening and whatever I feel like writing. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

Waiting…for Something to Happen

It took us 2 months to make a decision to go on vacation.  During the wait, some people say live your life, but start nesting.  Come again?  How do I "nest" and live my life?  By the very definition, "nesting" is slowing down and getting the house and mind ready for baby.  When I have no earthly idea when baby is showing up, it's impossible to get ready for baby, even though we have all the accoutrements for baby.  Mentally, I'm not there.  Not even close, despite a few baby purchases in anticipation, and I doubt S is too.  So, S and I tend to live our lives as best we can, except that comes with caveats as well.  How do I live my life, when the phone call could come tomorrow or 3 months from now?

A colleague is moving to New Zealand for work.  I immediately thought that this was a great opportunity for S and I to seize in the near future.  Go visit and have the inside advantage of hooking up with someone who lives there!  But when?  Well, she and her husband will be there at least 2 years, so the obvious answer is sometime in the next 2 years.  Except that, there is a baby on the way (we think, at some point, maybe) and for 6 months after the baby's arrival, there is no leaving the country.  Ok, so that gives us a ball park of when we could first think about going.  And then, I start to think, well, I really can't see leaving such young children for 2 weeks or more so that S and I can gallivant around another country, so that means, family vacation!  I'm guessing that we'll want to wrangle one mobile kid, and one-still-happy-with-slings baby (assuming baby is happy with slings), instead of 2 mobile toddler-types.  So, that means, aim for right after finalization…..and then my head starts to hurt. Because, when will it happen?

The vacation, that took us 2 months to decide?  It's simply to visit my brother and his family in Oregon. At this point, I'm hoping that we can get through that vacation without a phone call from the adoption agency, but at the same time I can't get through the day without wondering if today will be the day that call comes.

MERRY CHRISTMAS (kid-centric)

Going to Class on the Other Side