It might be over. After agreeing to be profiled again early last week, we got the call yesterday that we are matched with a baby boy, already born and in cradle care. Unlike the failed placement last summer, this is less risk for us, but it's not completely gone yet. His mother does not have the option to parent, but his father has to be served. Hopefully we will know his intention in the next few days with regards to whether he will contest the adoption. It's a small risk that he will, considering his past and present situation, but it's still there.
Neither S nor I feel like this is our baby...yet. The failed match did a number on our faith in the caseworkers to read a situation and advise us properly. I know it sounds like I'm blaming them for something that they really didn't know would happen. Sometimes, you just have to take what someone tells you at face value, and we did that with D. Still, I wish that our caseworker hadn't been so eager and optimistic. Now, we are both shut down to a degree in order to protect ourselves should the baby's father decide he would like to parent.
We visited the baby, held him, fed him and I could totally be his mother. I just don't know if I am yet.