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Hi, I’m Geochick.

Welcome to my blog. What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy and spiritual awakening. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

Dysfunction

I'm an open and sharing person, sometimes too much, but it's the only way I know how to be.  My mom calls it wearing my heart on my sleeve.  I call it...my life.  So, I've shared some of what I'm dealing with in my family with a couple people I consider friends at work.  One colleague, whom I consider a friend, invited us to go camping with him and his wife.  During the camping trip the subject of families came up and my friend stated that he thinks all families are dysfunctional.  I didn't answer (curse of being an introvert, I have to think first), but I don't agree with that statement.  S's family is not what I'd call dysfunctional.  They like to take vacations together. I do not like to go on vacation with my family - it's stressful and more often than not turns out not to be fun because I'm on guard the entire time.
I know we all grow up, look at our parents through new lenses and think "Whoa, really?"  But do we all grow up and think that we must be/parent/act differently than those who raised us?  While S would like to parent differently from his parents, it isn't to the same degree as my having to parent in a completely different manner.  I have to look in the mirror and recognize my own ingrained traits, work on moving past those and not passing them onto my kids.  I struggle to not immediately yell at X when he's being obstinate asserting his independence, and instead try to meet his frustration with empathy.  Especially when X is seriously acting out.  Some days devolve into "JUST GET DRESSED" wrestling his clothes onto him as he's kicking and screaming about my choosing the wrong shirt or shorts.  I get really mad, yell at him, he starts crying and part of me is so frustrated that I just want to put him in the carseat, drive to daycare and not talk to him.  Instead, I stop myself, explain that I'm frustrated, that's why I'm yelling, then comfort him.  It doesn't come naturally to me to show empathy when I'm so pissed off that he's being unreasonable (as all toddlers are).  In contrast, S has no problem remaining empathetic when dealing with temper tantrums.  He'll immediately tell X that he (S) is frustrated by his behavior without losing temper.  Don't get me wrong, S is visibly annoyed/upset/frustrated, and admits it, but hardly ever loses his sh*t over X acting out.  So, I'd say, in the empathy department, He’s got a lot more than I do.   And, in that case, I'd say that S does not come from a dysfunctional family.
What do you think "dysfunctional" really means?  Do we throw that term around too much as adults?

Meeting for the First Time

The Formal Presentation and Updates