Hi, I’m Geochick.

Welcome to my blog. What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy and spiritual awakening. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

Anxiety rampant in my household.  S and I have had multiple conversations this week about our feelings on this very particular wait.  In another case of we're both on the same page, we've admitted we don't feel joy in waiting for the baby to be born.

We feel nervous.

We feel anxious.

We wonder if this is our baby.

Going through the motions of washing 0-3 month clothes and cloth diapers, putting them in the dresser and shopping for a few little things for baby doesn't feel full of anticipation.  Rather, I feel like I'm tempting fate by washing these things again.  After all, they were washed last spring only to be put away again for another year.

Yet, I've done it.  I've gone to the attic and pulled down most things that we need for a baby coming home.  I've won an auction for a new diaper bag because we hated the two we used for X (picky, right?).  I've counted out the newborn cloth diapers wondering if we have enough or if I should get a few more (between pre-folds, fitted, and all-in-one, we have 29).  Past the newborn stage, there are plenty of diapers for use, just waiting in the wings...

I've done all the prep and I feel hollow.  I don't feel like I'm anticipating the homecoming of a bundle of joy.

I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

(and i can't concentrate on work.  i should, because i have another report to write, and i should get ahead of the schedule before baby comes, but blank stares at the computer screen are the norm)

August ICLW