Hi, I’m Geochick.

Welcome to my blog. What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy and spiritual awakening. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

Working Through Questions

I wrote about some of this in my Mother's Day kinda sucks post. These questions and thoughts keep circling back around over and over. Is it really that bad? Am I inflating normal annoying stuff and making it a bigger deal? Mountains out of molehills? So, to my little corner of the interwebs I ask you this. Are these typical and normal interactions?

1.  While visiting another family member who is out of state, stating, "We miss you guys soooo much. We really wish we were there with you."  Um. We are fine, how about you concentrate on the kid you hardly see?

2.   Your cousin this that and the other thing...I don't need a rundown on every little thing the cousin who happened to push out a kid this past year is doing. So, what are my other 6 cousins up to?

3.   I just love your Jazzerc.ise classes. I'm so upset I can't be there! (Because of said visiting the other family member). I was an instructor for TEN years before she decided to take my class. Oh right, I started distancing myself. 

4. A voicemail, a second phone call and a text all in the same day (Mothers Day) doing what else? Wishing me happy Mother's Day. Followed by #1.

5. So, are you seeing the in-laws today/yesterday/didtheybabysit? This happens a lot. I really think it's a fishing expedition. Do you?

I'm obviously still struggling with the family stuff. Not as bad as I had been, and these things don't send me into a shame spiral like they used to. There's still doubt though, you know? When I first figured it out, I was feeling like ok, it's pretty cut and dry and I can figure this limited and appropriate thing out. Now I'm feeling guilty? Now I'm wondering if it's all in my head?  This is what narcissists are good at, right?

Grieving and Shame

Weird and Complicated - Mother's Day