Hi, I’m Tara.

What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy, spiritual awakening and whatever I feel like writing. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

#MicroblogMondays - Parenting Edition

Baby Z is now 9 months old and mobile. In addition to crawling and pulling up to stand, he thoroughly enjoys putting everything in his mouth, paper, grass, cars, pebbles, dog get the point. X is now 4 years old and thinks he's a master negotiator. He is mostly fun, but the refusal to do things like put on his shoes in the morning, or the constant whining when something isn't going his way, or the refusal to eat dinner (he's lost 0.5 lb in a month, and I'm actually starting to get worried) grates on my nerves something fierce.

I feel like as a parent after infertility and adoption that I'm supposed to be forever grateful and floating through a sea of love and gratitude.

Ha. More like treading water and getting weaker as wave after wave splashes over my head choking me and threatening to pull me under.

We are stressed financially. The mortgage and daycare comprise of half our take-home income. The second adoption plus adding a daycare payment put a major strain on our otherwise idyllic financial life and it's a constant stressor. I wish one of us could drop down to part time as we find ourselves at the end of every weekend staring at each other and saying "we need another day". Right now, we can't. We need to pull ourselves out of the hole we've found ourselves in before we think about reducing any work hours.

We are stressed emotionally. No one tells you how hard two kids are, or they do and you don't believe them. Even though the 3 year spacing is pretty good for us considering that X is relatively independent, they are both still 100% dependent. One kid is crying, and the other is getting into who-knows-what. One kid is sleeping, and the other wakes up at 3am hungry.  One kid refuses to take naps on the weekends even though he desperately needs the rest....let me ask you a question. Is instituting a "quiet time" even worth it when trying to means a major tantrum? I think I've given up.

I have to remind myself that this is temporary. Parenting is never static, and soon, it will change. Some things will get easier, some won't. The past week was especially challenging as Baby Z got sick, thus forcing me to use more of my precious sick leave as S and I switched off with staying home. Our finished basement flooded due to all the rain we got on Thursday night. At this point, I don't give a rat's ass that I live in an arid state and getting above normal precipitation is always applauded. We can't use our basement and we have to rip out the carpet, but not replace it yet, because we have no money to fix the problem that contributed to our basement getting wet.

This too shall pass.....right?

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