One of my friendships that imploded affected my ability to be friends with our old group. Because she refuses to be civil to me (blatantly ignoring me while talking to everyone else at the party is not civil) and she refused to talk to me about why she was so mad at me, S and I have had to largely write off a group of friends we had had for years. I've felt weak in the face of this because I always felt like I couldn't get over it and carry on being friends with everyone else.
Because she is cruel.
S is still friends with her husband and finally asked him what the hell was up. I think I blogged about it last year. The upshot is, oh, she doesn't hate me or anything, she just doesn't ever want to talk to me again.
For the 3rd year in a row I received an invite to a holiday party that we have to turn down because she makes it so uncomfortable for me. This year, I told the host why we aren't coming. I had always thought that eventually she would stop being a bitch and start acting like an adult, but it's not going to happen.
I addressed the proverbial elephant in the room, cited that I am simply too uncomfortable to be in the situation and expressed sadness at the fact that this has affected our other friendships.
I feel better because it's finally out. Is this being vulnerable? It feels like it is. Up until today I beat my self up over and over again over how I just couldn't get past it. But several years after the incident she is holding true to her desire not to interact with me.
I don't need to get past it. But I do feel that I can express sadness to a person who has also been affected by this. To let them know that I'm not simply ignoring them and to acknowledge that we have lost a group of friends.
I don't expect to hear back from the host. My guess is that like I have often felt, the other people are wondering why I can't get over it. But they weren't the ones screwed over.
I can't get over it because she twists the knife again and again. Fine. They can have her.
I can move on to building more meaningful friendships.