I'm reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown, and it's one of the most difficult books I've ever read. Probably because the truths in the book about shame pull me into a glaring spotlight. I find it difficult to be vulnerable. I don't want the world to think I'm "weak". Everything I do must be perfect, therefore, I struggle to start or try new things. It's something I've been working on for a long time now and I've made some progress, but the underlying internal shaming exists. And so, I will continue to read bits at a time, digesting, thinking, and trying to move past the feelings I have while reading her words. Because, damn it, she has a way of writing that brings all the shitty feelings up.
At 2:30am this morning, my brain started writing while I was struggling to fall back asleep. I almost got up to write it down and then remembered that it would only make my day worse in the long run. I forced myself to stay in bed, finally falling asleep at 3:30a.
I'm f*cking tired.
I wanted to write a diatribe about a family member (maybe not the best idea). I wonder about someone who ignores his family, explodes in anger over small things to another family member and then presents a wholly different persona on-line. It’s staggering.