Hi, I’m Geochick.

Welcome to my blog. What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy and spiritual awakening. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

Making Me Cry

I don't cry easily. I haven't had a sob-fest when dropping my kids off for daycare the first time, or when they transition rooms. I've felt a twinge of nostalgia and may tear up a little bit, but then I shake it off. I don't cry when my kids get clingy and don't want me to leave them at daycare either. I don't have especially clingy kids, but they go through their phases of not wanting to be left. It can be hard to leave, like this morning when Baby Z screamed as I handed him to his teacher and I could hear him screaming all the way down the hall. It's hard when that happens because normally, he runs into the room, greets his teacher with a sunny smile and then runs off to play, practically ignoring me. To be perfectly honest, I kind of dig it a little because mostly I'm like, hey, over here, remember me??? Can I get a little bye-bye wave for crying out loud?? It's nice to feel needed (and to know that he'll be perfectly fine once I've left the building.)

These things don't make me cry. Definitely nostalgia, but I like seeing my kids grow. It's fun and exciting and never a dull moment.

What makes me cry?

When I get a text at 11pm at night from my mom: I have sad news, I'll call you tomorrow.

I see it in the morning. Finally get a hold of her wondering which one of my relatives is dead, maimed or otherwise incapacitated. Nothing like that. Instead she'd very sad and broken up about the fact that a cousin's (whom I hardly know) girlfriend had a miscarriage at 4 months. (whom I've never met).

Yup interwebs. My mom sent me a sky is falling text because????  Certainly I can sympathize (but not empathize as I've never had a miscarriage) with how sad it is to lose a baby at 4 months. But, when your daughter has battled infertility and gone through some horrific times attempting to adopt, is it appropriate to communicate such news in this manner?

I think not. I think it shows a complete lack of empathy and respect for someone who still feels the scars of infertility. I think it shows an utter disconnect between a mother and her only daughter. I think it shows that I can never ever count on her for emotional support, and she will always find some way to trigger me, either intentionally or unintentionally.

And that made me cry.

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