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Hi, I’m Geochick.

Welcome to my blog. What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy and spiritual awakening. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

Perimenopause

That last post? The super ragey, depressed, sky is falling post? Pretty sure that episode (and similar ones over the past few months) are indicating I've entered perimenopause.  

I ovulated a few days prior to said outburst, thanks to the handy dandy indicator that is mittleschmertz, which was a doozy of a burst cyst. I flew off the handle the night I wrote the post and turned into a screaming banshee suggesting divorce (no, we aren't having problems) since I was clearly a shitty mother/wife/friend/daughter/yadayada.  I went to bed crying then popped up the next morning relatively ok. Like, not a whole lot of residual feelings other than a "what the fuck was that". Since then, I've been feeling frustration, sure, there's truth in what I was feeling and what I wrote, it's not quite as dire a situation as I may have led you to believe. 

In addition to these ragey episodes that I can kind of tell are coming at the same time every month, my cycle has definitely gone a bit wonky. I think I've stopped ovulating on some of the cycles, having really light periods that last about 2 days. (which also fuck with my head and make me wonder if I'm pregnant. side note: S is being a chicken about the simple little procedure I asked him to do, and now that he's less than a year into his new job, he's probably not getting it any time soon).  My cycle lengths have been fluctuating a little bit as well although not so much that they feel erratic. Until today, when AF showed up 5'ish days early. 

 

Hey, welcome to a new phase of life. Hope this shit goes down fast cause 15 years of this crap is going to suck donkey balls.  

So Many Posts in my Head

Struggle