I've been frustrated that Baby Z's firstmom hasn't sent us a picture or a letter. She promised to send those things 2 years ago and ever since then there's been nothing. I've asked the adoption agency multiple times and they said she promised to send them. She's even spoke at the agencies classes for the adoptive parent training, but hasn't dropped off a picture while she's been there.
I finally reached a level of frustration that I hadn't experienced before and gave into the lure of searching via the interwebs for social media pictures. We aren't supposed to know her last name, but do because when you're in the hospital, the baby has the mother's last name legally. It was laughable when they redacted all our paperwork, but what were they going to do about the wristband and discharge papers that were sent directly to the pediatrician's office?
So, I did it. And instead of finding a Facebook or Instagram page that I could swipe a picture from, I ran head on into tragedy. The unthinkable had happened and I can't tell anyone what it is and how it affects us as a family because she clearly didn't want us to know.
I have violated her privacy and S and I have to bear the burden of knowledge alone.
Someday, we'll tell Baby Z what I discovered on a random Sunday Google search. Meanwhile, we grieve....what? It doesn't directly affect us. This isn't our family and it isn't our business because she has been clear that she doesn't want contact. We are shocked and saddened, and we can't tell anyone else what we've found.
If you think that a simple Internet search will reveal the information you want, think again of the potential consequences. Sometimes the lines are drawn and we as adoptive parents may not understand why. Sometimes we need to respect the boundary even if we're upset that it feels like our kid loses out. There are many people in this journey and they don't always want what we want.