Hi, I’m Tara.

What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy, spiritual awakening and whatever I feel like writing. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

0.5 #NaBloPoMo Day 16 - Movies

Both of our kids are finally the age where we can take them to an actual theater for a movie. It's a momentous occasion really, and one I'm excited about. I like going to a movie theater (we hardly ever do) and now I have an excuse to make sure we do every once in a while.

This past weekend we took them to see Coco. I was excited for this movie because the protagonist looks like my kid and it's all about part of his heritage. I knew there were some trigger-y moments in the film like an overarching thesis that everyone dies and is forgotten. eek. However, I thought that we could work through that.

Helloooo triggers. I estimate I cried for about 1/3-1/2 of the movie, definitely the entire last half hour. The movie is great, I just wasn't prepared for the emotional onslaught of families sticking together no matter what to be so rough. I have my own familial issues, needless to say, I kind of felt like shit through much of this movie. The other trigger centers around being contacted by my bio-uncle and not knowing how to move forward with that relationship. Six months ago I promised him I'd keep in touch. I have yet to pick up the phone again, although I think about it often. And feel guilty and ashamed that something is stopping me.

As far as how it affected my kids, I'd say the 3 year old is oblivious and the 6 year old is currently processing. He liked some of it, but it wasn't a rousing LOVED IT even though it's a really good kids movie. X has been curious about other people's stories and we spent a night a couple weeks ago where I told both X and Z their adoption stories and X asked about mine and S's. He's definitely starting to process what "adoption" means. I corrected him when he stated he had been in my tummy (prompting me to pull out a kids adoption book to read), and seemed confused about the situation in general. All we can do is be forthright and talk about it and let him process how he needs to process. 

p.s. totally go see the movie, just bring a box of tissues.


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