Not Rational

Before getting into it, I need to bring up the fact that my iPad brought up a rat emoji when I was typing the word rational. heh.

A recent conversation with my new therapist, Therapist #3, for those keeping track, centered around attachment and vulnerability. In one of her Ted Talks, Brene Brown talks about how she came around to the idea of vulnerability being a good thing rather than something to squash. The thing she said that made me practically shout that’s me! “...vulnerability pushed and I pushed back”. And that, my dear readers is how my life has been going ever since my first appointment with Stretch Guy.  I had already started exploring the idea of learning vulnerability as a good thing, in a logical-rational-engineering kind of way. As in, if I can learn how to be vulnerable, then I will be successful in relationships at work and personal life. Therapist #2 was helping me work on bringing down the wall in a similarly rational and logical way, and it wasn't working that well.  The introduction of Stretch Guy into my life propelled me into a massive emotional breakdown and forced me to choose door 1) run like hell or 2) trust that he can help me. We all know I chose 2) despite the many times I've looked for reasons to run through 1). Oh, and there have been sooo many internal struggles with staying.  Despite my slow journey to trusting him, he never disappoints in support level, always the cheerleader, always willing to share

 In my talk with Therapist #3, I expressed utter confusion about how to translate being vulnerable with Stretch Guy into real life relationships. That's when she said it's NOT RATIONAL, I can't distill vulnerability into a neat little learning package and then apply to other areas of my life. Maybe it makes sense why I keep swirling in uncertainty and fear.