I started this last night...does it still count? 😉
It’s hard to be a former dancer and not have body image issues. I obsess over where I carry weight and where I don’t. I obsess over my profile or how plump my cheeks look in pictures. I’ve been doing this since I gained my first 15 lbs in college. Since then I’m up another 15.
When I gained the initial 15 it wasn’t a big deal because I was underweight to begin with. Over the years after college I gained another 15, then lost it before my wedding and kept it off for a long time. The recent 15 has come from a combination of taking medication that causes weight gain, getting older, not tracking food as closely as I should and muscle development. What I’ve found the past 5 years or so is that it’s really difficult for me to lose weight anymore without being super strict about my diet and instead of doing that, I’ve been trying to focus on the positives. I’m not in a place now where I have the energy to tackle the eating part and I’m already a relatively healthy eater. When I’m ready, it’ll be a long and slow haul as I don’t think I’ll be stopping the Celexa anytime soon.
The positives I can see now about my body? I have good muscle development and I’m proportionate upper body to lower body. I can see muscle definition in my shoulders and arms and legs. I’m moving better now than I had been when I was teaching Jazzercise. The coaches at the gym know what they’re doing with this program! Mobility in my shoulders, back and hips has improved, which is huge. I haven’t had a major setback for months (also huge), and I can snatch my 30+ lb three year old in one smooth movement to get him on my shoulders.
That is progress! I work hard getting up early 4 times a week to hit the gym, get my ass handed to me while I’m there and it primes me to make better eating choices throughout the day. I focus on getting enough protein, eating fruits and vegetables (some days better than others) and eating frequently to keep my blood sugar stable throughout the day.
I’m trying really hard to focus on all the positives at the moment vs. the scale and how I look in the mirror. It’s tough day to day, but I’m getting there.