Hi, I’m Tara.

What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy, spiritual awakening and whatever I feel like writing. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

What to do With this Vulnerability?

I've been pondering calling my uncle, but something keeps holding me back. I had planned on doing it on this current business trip, and despite having a lot of time this afternoon and evening, I couldn't pull the trigger. Maybe tomorrow?

I had a therapy appointment, and not much was resolved, although I talked about how it felt to talk to SG and what happened in that appointment. I guess I was disappointed that she seems so out of tune with the idea of mind-body connection, although she acknowledged that it's likely attachment issues surfacing, especially given the tenuous attachments in my family. Still, I hire her to help guide me through this stuff, not to sit there and say, "Wow, that's really interesting, I suppose there could really be a connection". Oh, and she keeps talking about how I need to get past my anger at my mom, and offers some ideas for communicating with her, but none of them resonate. Yeah...I know...I need to find a new therapist.

I still feel raw from my talk with SG, and after another session, it's only slightly better. I was anxious walking into his office, and then he called out me out on acting like I don't want to be there (I don't, duh). We had yet another talk before I got on the table and this time I started crying before stretch even started. He asked some pretty probing questions, and I responded truthfully instead of shutting him down like I wanted to. I actually felt better overall during this session as it helped me process a little bit. And bonus, my shoulders were more open, responded to the stretch better and that's a win!

I still can't stop thinking about whether I want to continue working with him though. He's recommending I check out another therapist after my tepid response to his questioning about my current therapist. In one of my earlier sessions before the emotional tornado hit, he recommended I go to an Integrative Pain PT, which I finally did, and that was interesting. It's something that only takes a few sessions to clear some of the dysfunctional movement out of my body, so I'm down with that. I guess it's nice that he's willing to help, but I'm kind of suspicious at the same time. I don't know why I'm suspicious, he's f-cking offering to help me for crying out loud.  I've got at least 3 weeks before my next availability for an appointment, so I'll let it simmer a little and see if I can get my internal dialogue to calm down before I go back in.


When it Rains...

I Was Vulnerable and it Didn't Kill Me