Hi, I’m Geochick.

Welcome to my blog. What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy and spiritual awakening. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

What to do With this Vulnerability?

I've been pondering calling my uncle, but something keeps holding me back. I had planned on doing it on this current business trip, and despite having a lot of time this afternoon and evening, I couldn't pull the trigger. Maybe tomorrow?

I had a therapy appointment, and not much was resolved, although I talked about how it felt to talk to Stretch Guy and what happened in that appointment. I guess I was disappointed that she seems so out of tune with the idea of mind-body connection, although she acknowledged that it's likely attachment issues surfacing, especially given the tenuous attachments in my family. Still, I hire her to help guide me through this stuff, not to sit there and say, "Wow, that's really interesting, I suppose there could really be a connection". It's probably time to go therapist hunting. Oh, and she keeps talking about how I need to get past my anger at my mom, and offers some ideas for communicating with her, but none of them resonate. Yeah...I know...I need to find a new therapist.

I still feel raw from my talk with Stretch Guy, and after another session with him, it's only slightly better. I was anxious walking into his office, and then he called out me out on acting like I don't want to be there (I don't, duh). We had yet another talk before I got on the table and this time I started crying before stretch even started. He asked some pretty probing questions, and I responded truthfully instead of shutting him down like I wanted to. He inquired about my support at home, and his response was almost hilarious, "You found yourself a strong man". If I weren't so fucking wrapped up in my shit in that moment I probably would've starting laughing. Then again, there is a bit of insight in what seems like an odd comment considering how I've been treating Stretch Guy, showing up anxious and negative. He's probably wondering what the hell kind of relationship I could be in given the little he's seen of me. And, he's right: S has to be strong to put up with his wife in emotional crisis. That being said, I actually felt better overall during this session as Stretch Guy asked some guiding questions and kind of helped me process a little bit. And bonus, my shoulders were more open, responded to the stretch better and that's a win!

I still can't stop thinking about whether I want to continue working with him though. He's recommending I check out another therapist after my tepid response to his questioning about my current therapist. In one of my earlier sessions before the emotional tornado hit, he recommended I go to an Integrative Pain PT, which I finally did, and that was interesting. It's something that only takes a few sessions to clear some of the dysfunctional movement out of my body, so I'm down with that. I guess it's nice that he's willing to help, but I'm kind of suspicious at the same time. I don't know why I'm suspicious, he's fucking offering to be an ally and to help me for crying out loud.  I've got at least 3 weeks before my next availability for an appointment, so I'll let it simmer a little and see if I can get my internal dialogue to calm the fuck down before I go back in.


When it Rains...

I Was Vulnerable and it Didn't Kill Me