Hi, I’m Geochick.

Welcome to my blog. What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy and spiritual awakening. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

It Can't Be Easy

14 days, our house has been on the market with nary an offer. It has had a lot of showings, but none of that has translated to an actual contract. One of those weeks is the 4th of July, so we'll be giving it another few days or a week before making a decision to drop the price. Maybe our price is too aggressive? I don't think so given what other similar houses in the neighborhood have sold for. That being said, we probably could have listed it a little lower and gotten actual offers rather than feedback that says they don't like the layout (then you don't want a bungalow, most of the older houses in this neighborhood), and that it's not updated enough for the price. Well, in this neighborhood, our price is pretty damn good given the updates we have done, and if someone wants a more updated house here they need to spend a lot more money. It's the catch-22 of living here. You pay for the neighborhood, no doubt about it. So, we're holding out a little longer for the buyer who really really really wants to move here and who appreciates the charm of an old house that yes, needs maintenance, and maybe a complete gutting.

This entire situation is a total mind f*ck. I wish that S didn't find the house we're buying, I wish we offered less on that house, I wish we waited until we were more ready to put ours on the market, I wish, I wish, I wish... I've taken a break from therapy to address the crises at hand, which are getting this house sold, hiring a moving company, and playing money gymnastics to bridge the gap between buying one house and selling the other. We can take money out of our IRA for 60 days and since we don't close until the end of July, we're probably just we think.

Meanwhile, work continues, right? Anxiety is heightened and I'm exploding at inopportune times like at a project team. That went to my boss's boss and I had a talk with my supervisor about how my message was exactly right, but the way it was delivered was so wrong. I'm not in a lot of trouble, but it was explicitly stated that this will not happen again. *ahem*

Family life, well about the same. X has become so anxious with the move that he flat out refused to get out of the car at his therapy on 2 occasions. We're taking a break. Meanwhile, I am on edge and snapping way too often, expecting a 6 year old to have reasoning skills beyond his age. The 2.5 year old keeps up with his brother so it's been downright horrible on several nights and weekends.

S and I are opposing sine waves (fellow nerds will appreciate). I pushed him to put in an offer because I knew he loved the house. Now, he's more excited than I am and I'm regretting all the decisions leading up to today and the hell we've created in lieu of a summer. It's like that often with us, especially on big life changes. Sometimes we're in sync, and sometimes we have weeks where we hardly talk to each other, just getting through the day, going to sleep, getting up, going to work, rinse and repeat. This was a lesson learned during infertility for how we work under high stress situations. Now that we recognize it, we can ride the waves until we're back in sync.

I've pushed all the other stuff down deep, the biological family contact, the attachment issues, and the depression. I've had one stretch session in which I felt nothing, and walled myself off from everything but superficial talk. I didn't get a good result from that session.  A week later, I was still pretty tight and messed up, so I went in again, this time a little less walled off and wary, and my hips released a lot, especially the right side. I wonder....


Photo by sakkmesterke/iStock / Getty Images

Photo by sakkmesterke/iStock / Getty Images

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