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Hi, I’m Tara.

What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy, spiritual awakening and whatever I feel like writing. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

My Husband, the Unicorn

I don’t write about S a lot on here, and that’s mostly because it’s a whole lot easier to dive into my insecurities, anxiety, and depression. Writing is a way to process everything that’s been happening to me, and I don’t have anxiety or insecurity when it comes to S. That doesn’t mean I’m shut down with him as I work through all this stuff, it’s more that he’s the rock that supports me. It would have been so easy for him to be jealous of Stretch Guy, but he hasn’t let it get to him.  I’ve shared some of what Stretch Guy and I talk about and in the context of my experience, S completely understands why I need someone like this in my life. S is support and understanding, but we are so alike that he doesn’t know what to say or do, and he reacts similarly as me towards feelings and intuition. We’re both introverted thinkers and sensors, not particularly in touch with feelings and intuition. Two of the reasons why we work so well together is because of our similar personality types, and S is exceedingly patient. He was patient when we started dating and I freaked out 5 dates in then dumped him. He was patient as I fought through my jealousy towards two other women he has platonic friendships with, and he really didn’t need to be (there were a few fights stemming from my insecurity). He was patient as I worked through having vulvodynia in the early years of our marriage (that kills your sex life btw) and then the infertility bullsh*t that followed.  He is patient through all the problems that have come up with my family, letting me rant and rave as I began to be less and less willing to please my mother. And, to top it off, he is patient and supportive as I have done 3 therapeutic modalities together (therapy, network chiropractic and FST) spending a lot of time and money on myself.

Because I find it much easier to spew all the strong emotions, it’s almost as if I have writer’s block when it comes to S. I mean, how many ways can I say that he’s one of the strongest and secure men I’ve ever met? He’s constantly giving me the space I need to work through all of this crap, and sometimes that’s meant I need to crash in bed in the middle of day from mental exhaustion and depression while he tries to wrangle the very active boys we have.  On top of that, we have a pretty equitable husband/wife relationship and for that, I’m grateful. I carry a lot of  the cruise ship director work of the household (schedules and registering kids for school and activities, planning vacations, grocery shopping, clothes shopping, house shopping….), so it’s not even, but I can leave the house on a Monday, fly to some other city and not have to worry what he’s going to feed them for dinner. I can plan a night or day out riding with friends and not feel guilty that I’m sticking him with the kids. (one issue I have is that he doesn’t have too many friends, so I keep trying to push him to reach out a bit more). He does all the laundry, will do dishes without thinking about it, and cooks when I’m not around. Some of our roles are pretty gender specific too, he takes care of the little handyman stuff ‘cuz I don’t want to do it, plus the outside like mowing the grass ‘cuz again…I don’t want to do it. When we got married, I handed him the checkbook and said, “here, you do it”. I have Mint, so I’m tracking budgets, but I don’t have to do the bill-paying. We take turns putting the kids to bed so that the other person can you know…do the damn dishes! ha.

I consider myself lucky to have found such a loving and supportive partner in life. 

 

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