Hi, I’m Tara.

What started out as a private blog to document our adoption journey has evolved into my journey through therapy, spiritual awakening and whatever I feel like writing. Without our struggles to build a family, I’m not sure I’d be waking up, and for that I’m grateful.

#MicroblogMondays - Whole30 Week 1 aka Suckville

As I sit at my dining room table writing this, S and I are barely speaking to each other. Why? Well, because, as it turns out, the first week of an elimination diet turns Geochick into a low-energy emotional wreck.  

I hear that it’s going to turn around, but as of day 9, I’m full on into what feels like permanent PMS. (I actually am in PMS at the moment, so it’s probably a shit-tastic combo) . My kids have triggered me umpteen times over the past few days and today I lost it when X wouldn’t do his damn OT exercise that takes a whole fucking MINUTE and may actually help out many of his issues. I yelled at X that we were paying too much damn money trying to help him get better and pointed out all the things that are “wrong” with him. Yeah. Awesome parenting a 7-year old anxious child there, dumbass. Oh, it was horrifying. There’s been other temper tantrums on my part too. Fucking hairtrigger is where I’ve been the last few days.

Day 1 was a bit of a struggle because I didn’t go shopping beforehand so for the first part of the day I tried to cobble together whatever I had that fit the diet. In case you haven’t heard of the Whole30 here’s the rules in a nutshell: No dairy, soy, grains or pseudograins (quinoa), beans, peanuts, alcohol or added sugar of any kind. Eat only whole foods. Do that for 30 days. Try not to get sick of eggs and meat in the process.  So, day 1, I went shopping in the afternoon and did some meal prep for the rest of the week.

Days 2-4 were ok’ish. I got all my meals prepped, figured out snacks and did a decent job getting into an eating groove. One of the things about Whole30 is to try not to snack and to make sure you’re actually getting hungry in between meals. I know that I have to break up my first meal of the day around a workout when I do something intense like cycling classes, but for the most part I’m pretty good at feeling hunger in between meals. The big problems started to surface on day 4 with cravings and low energy. I didn’t plan my food well and ended up exhausted by swim lessons, trying to wrangle both kids then get them fed afterwards. 

Days 5-7 the shit really hit the fan. I didn’t feel satisfied even when I ate enough calories, and I was craving ALL THE FOOD. I’ve never wanted cheese so bad...or crackers. My energy was super low and I found myself relying on coffee. By day 7 the cravings were starting to subside and I managed to get through Friday and Saturday without drinking alcohol despite the fact that S opened a bottle of wine. (Yeah...sooooo supportive that one)

Day 8, I went on a way too long snowshoe. It was a training hike for a hut trip and it was supposed to be a bit less than 5 miles. Well, we got to a point where we were going to be adding at least a mile and a half to the hike, or continue back down the trail for the 5’ish we originally planned. I was exhausted (still low energy), and I had a hot spot on my heel. But did I listen to my body and tell them I was going back to the cars to wait for them because I didn’t have another mile and half in me? Naw, why the fuck would I listen to my body? When I realized I had made a mistake, they had already left me in the dust, ice was building up on my snowshoes, and I was ready to throw all my gear down the mountain. I finished the hike (7.2 miles or so) utterly exhausted, angry with myself and with a quarter sized blister as a trophy. 

Today I’m completely exhausted mentally and physically and my back is strained. The blister hurts so bad I can barely wear the one pair of boots loose enough to get on my foot without crumpling to the ground in pain. This, in addition to the meltdown I mentioned at the beginning of this post.

This detox period better end soon. 

#MicroblogMondays - Whole30 Week 2

Whole30 - Let's Do This